You are so strong, you must not have a boyfriend.

/December 2022


I find that every time I go to the movies with a boy, no matter who invites me, I am always the one who buys the movie ticket. After I swiped my mother's credit card for the fifth time and bought two tickets, my mother couldn't bear to call me and scold me loudly, "you buy even tickets to go to the movies with boys. If it goes on like this, you won't find a boyfriend!"

I don't think so. I said, "nothing to be afraid of, nothing to fear."

in most cases, An asked me to watch a movie, and I said yes. An asked me when I was free, and I said I'd go to see the time of the show. A said you decide what to look at, so I said, I'll see, I'll buy the ticket directly.

it makes sense, and I bought tickets for the few movies I saw with boys. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, because I really don't want two people to endure a long line at the gate of the cinema, and I'm really too lazy to push it back to each other to place an order after watching the show. And I happen to have time to choose the right movie, there happens to be an app with discounted movie tickets on my phone, and WeChat red packet happens to have enough money to buy tickets, so I bought it.

my mother told me earnestly that girls should learn to show weakness. You can't rush ahead like this.

I said, I'm afraid he bought the wrong movie ticket. I'm afraid he won't find the best discount. Besides, he is not proficient in Wechat payment operation, so I might as well come and get it done in two minutes. I can't show weakness, how can I show weakness? What if he is weaker than me?

later, I made a train appointment and a plane appointment with my friends. Even if there were boys, I bought the tickets. When I thought of the Swordsman I read when I was a child, I seemed to be incarnated as Zhu unparalleled. I rolled up my sleeves and shouted "Let me come" at the critical moment.


some people say that if you like someone, you have to let him know that you need him, and you have to make him feel that you are a little girl who knows nothing and needs to be taken care of. You'd better not buy a ticket, you'd better not find the way, you'd better not move, you'd better not know a lot of things, so as to make the other person feel that you need to be taken care of and satisfy his desire for control and protection.

I once knew a girl who was a special man in front of a girl, who could not unscrew the top of the bottle when she was tetraplegic as soon as she appeared a handsome guy. At a party, she bought canned fruit and shared it, but she couldn't open the lid. She was about to ask the boys present for help, so I took the glass can directly, opened my mouth and patted the bottom of the bottle hard, then drew a circle around the plastic seal at the mouth of the bottle with a fruit knife, and easily opened the cup. I told her triumphantly, "you know, I've never had a lid that can't be unscrewed when I've grown up." I remember the way she looked at me, with a little teasing, a little sympathy. She only replied, "Honey, you've never been in love." It just occurred to me, Oh, who really doesn't know the secret of opening cans when you grow up?

in Descendants of the Sun, Taiwei Liu brilliantly points out the nature of falling in love when combing Qiao Mei's hair: "Love is when two people do what they can do independently for each other." I think the biggest premise of dating is that you should learn to show the other person that you are the least independent and dependent on him. You have to take action to tell him that you are very important to me, and I can't live without you.

but the terrible thing is, even if I like you, I never think I can't live without you.

I don't think you have to buy a ticket to see a movie. I don't think eating with you can make you pay for it. I don't think it's necessary to bother you to move and buy furniture. I don't think you need to accompany you if you can't find your way out. I can use Volkswagen to buy tickets, use Wechat AA, I can pay more money for furniture company door-to-door delivery, and I can let mobile maps take me anywhere. I can live well without showing weakness.

I think there is no contradiction between "I like you" and "I don't need you".

Displaying the swankiest designs, our empire waist mother of bride dresses are a must-buy. Your will be elated by your enchanting look.

because I can never do without you, but I think it would be better to have you.


in my memory, I only showed weakness to mathematics. Every deskmate in my high school likes to teach me math problems very much. every time they finish the exam, they help me analyze the wrong questions and call me every night to ask if I have any new lessons I don't understand. I believe I can handle everything except math.

so since I got rid of high school math, no boy has called me as enthusiastically as my deskmate in high school and asked me, "is there anything wrong today?"

before breaking up, my ex-boyfriend told me that I knew you would break up with me because you never needed me. You caught a cold in the library and would rather come back to get your clothes than let me deliver them to you. You would rather go back to your dormitory in the rain than ask me to deliver your umbrella. Every time you occupy your own seat, study by yourself, eat by yourself, and go shopping by yourself. You've done everything yourself. What can I do for you?

I just feel baffled.

liking you means instructing you to do trivial things for me? Liking you means deliberately losing your real skills to rely on weakness to satisfy each other's desire for protection? Liking you means you can't go shopping alone, eat alone and deal with your own affairs?

in most cases, I do everything by myself because I can do everything by myself. Even if there is something I can't do, then I have to do it. It has nothing to do with liking you or not.

I think, if only showing weakness can get your love, if only showing weakness can prove my love for you, then I enjoy being alone more than loving you.


Girls are born weaker than boys, which seems to have become a particularly popular and indisputable rule. In order to meet this rule, girls begin to entrust what they can to boys to show their weakness, and boys gradually get used to taking on some extra chores to highlight their strength.

I think this pretentious sign of weakness in order to cater to each other precisely proves that both sides lack self-confidence in this relationship. Boys need to rely on "you need me" to prove "I am worth to you" again and again, and girls need to rely on "I can't live without you" to show "I love you". You dare not show the most real side in front of each other, do not dare to let each other slowly discover their own weaknesses, so you choose to show weakness, choose to be brave.

the ideal relationship in my mind is that we are independent of each other, do not interfere with each other, have two hours to chat and drink tea after finishing our own affairs every day, occasionally send Wechat messages during the day, and deal with our own affairs. We can support each other when we are most sad and share happiness when we are happiest. I don't have to show weakness to you to gain protection, and you don't have to forcibly establish an image.

I think, as we get along, we discover each other's weaknesses and are willing to tolerate each other, which is far better than deliberately showing weakness in the first place to satisfy each other's protective vanity.

We don't argue about who buys the movie ticket, who buys the plane ticket and who pays for the plane ticket. We don't get burdened by the trivial matter of finding a way to open the bottle cap. We like each other so easily and freely do what we are good at. I hope you like my strength, not sympathize with my weakness; I also hope that I like the real you who is a little worse than me once in a while, rather than worshipping the invincible you who pretends to be invincible.

maybe I will take the initiative to buy a ticket when I go to the movies with you, maybe I will rush to pay for dinner with you, or maybe I will go ahead and show the way when I travel with you. I may never be able to learn the so-called weakness, because I do not know when you will leave me, when I will not be able to show weakness to face the world alone.

so I prefer this self-reliant self-reliance to loving you.