Without these four, kindness is stupid.

/July 2022

Hugo said:

but kind-hearted people tend to think of others as good people, unguarded, so they are more likely to be deceived and hurt.

hurt more times, no matter how kind people will become indifferent.

if one wants to maintain inner tenderness and kindness, kindness is not enough.

these four things are needed in addition to kindness.


kindness should be measured

everything is moderate, and it is not enough to go too far.

kindness is no exception.

too much goodwill, sometimes not only ungrateful, but also inspire greed and malice in the depths of human nature.

Olive Cooke, a famous British philanthropist, has been doing good all his life.

A large amount of money is donated every year from the age of 16 to 92.

my income and pension are all invested in it.

but instead of having a happy old age, the old man receives a large number of phone calls and letters urging for money every day.

she has emptied her savings, but others still think she gives too little.

she said she was out of money, but those who were helped still refused to let him go.

her act of kindness has become an obligation on her own.

finally, one day, she could no longer stand the demands from all sides and chose to jump off the bridge and commit suicide.

it was the people she had helped who killed her.

the ancients said:

the more a person gets, the more he wants.

when getting something for nothing becomes a habit, then stopping helping becomes an evil.

Han Xin is young and his family is poor. The pavilion manager looks at him pitifully and often invites him to dinner at home.

after a long time, the wife of the pavilion manager will inevitably complain and refuse to let Han Xin rub his meal.

Han Xin ran away angrily, and his drifting mother took him in and gave him a bowl of rice to eat. Later, Han Xin sealed the king and gave her daughter as a sign of gratitude.

"one meal daughter" has become a good story ever since.

but the pavilion manager, who often helped him, only got the evaluation of a villain.

as the old saying goes:

treating people too well not only makes them ungrateful, but also encourages people's laziness and greed.

it is the way to be kind to others, to be kind and moderate, and to maintain moderate kindness.


kindness needs teeth

as the saying goes:

decades of life, we may meet all kinds of people, not all of us can be grateful.

some people just have no bottom line, take an inch and don't know how to respect others.

in the face of such people, kindness is weakness.

there used to be a colleague in the company whose surname was Zhang, a famous old man who responded to everything he asked for.

large and small company affairs, no matter who is right or wrong, never conflict with others.

for a long time, no one takes him seriously.

instruct him to take out the trash, type the papers, cover for the shift, and eat.

after a long time, Lao Zhang finally couldn't stand it.

once the company traveled abroad, but everyone couldn't go there. Someone had to be on duty, and the personnel thought of him the first time.

Lao Zhang finally broke out when he saw that other colleagues could travel while he had to be on duty in the company.

when he lost his temper with the personnel in the office, the personnel looked so embarrassed that he had to draw lots to decide who was on duty.

after Lao Zhang lost his temper, there was no one in the office calling him at will.

Lao Zhang took off the hat of a good old man and finally got out of his misery.

people can't be too kind. People like to pick up soft persimmons. If everything is tolerant and magnanimous, others will not appreciate you, but will only get worse.

someone once asked Zhihu: what are the concise modes of interpersonal communication?

there is a highly praised answer: simple, kind and irritable.

be simple, show kindness, and let the other person feel your anger and pay the price when the other person is offended.

kindness is precious, but it does not grow teeth, that is weakness.

the kinder people need to have a temper, clear their bottom line, clear their own principles.

only in this way can we avoid indulging others and protect ourselves.


be kind

the writer Ziyue said this sentence:

"sometimes, it's not that you don't want to help others, but you can't even protect yourself."

so, if you want to be good, you must first make yourself strong. If you are weak, your goodness is just something that tortures your conscience. "

see a news.

A child fell into the water during the holiday, and an uncle on the shore hurriedly jumped down to save people.

but I jumped down and found that I couldn't swim.

hurriedly struggled ashore and watched the child cry for help.

fortunately, there were kind-hearted people passing by who rescued the child, and my uncle breathed a sigh of relief.

if something bad happens to the child, this old man will have a hard time for the rest of his life.

incompetent kindness is only a kind of will, which is worth appreciating, but only capable kindness can become a good deed.

in the Outlaws of the Marsh, Lin Chong was framed by Gao Taiwei and sent to Kaifeng for trial.

Sun Ding, who is in charge of the paperwork in Kaifeng House, knows that Lin Chong is being framed and wants to save him.

so he first persuaded Teng Fu Yin to tell Teng Fu Yin not to let Kaifeng House become the knife of Gao Taiwei, otherwise the reputation of Kaifeng House would be tarnished.

then work on the file and playPlayed a word game.

Gao Taiwei said that Lin Chong was armed with a sharp blade, so he entered the festival hall with the intention of assassination.

Sun Ding changed it to: with a sharp blade, he mistakenly entered the festival hall.

turned the intentional assassination accused by Captain Gao into an inadvertent mistake.

Lin Chong got rid of the mortal situation, and in the end he only got rid of Cangzhou.

it can be said that he saved Lin Chong's life on his own.

without insight into the hearts of the people, he could not convince Fu Yin; without years of clerical experience, he could not have exonerated Lin Chong.

Sun Ding is nicknamed Sun Foer in the Water margin.

he has a compassionate heart of Buddhists, a willingness to help others and, more importantly, his ability to do good.

Buddhists often say: Bodhisattva heart, thunderbolt means.

it's useless to be kind. You have to be strong and capable.

when you are incompetent, you can only be left alone.

when you have the ability, you can help the world at the same time.


be kind and wise

there is a Western proverb:

"ignorant people are not qualified to do good deeds. Because ignorant goodness has only the cloak of goodness, but lacks the core of goodness.

ignorance is immoral, and the road to hell is often paved with well-intentioned stones. "

there is such a story in the Analects of Confucius:

there is such a story in the Analects of

Confucius' disciple Zi Gong redeemed a native of Lu, but refused to accept the ransom of the state.

Confucius said:

Zi Gong is doing a good deed. He doesn't want to be paid because he is rich enough, and this money is nothing.

but most people struggle to redeem slaves. If there is no reimbursement from the state, then no one will ever redeem their countrymen again.

many people who travel to Hoh Xil will feed the Tibetan antelope.

but experienced tour guides will stop it because there are so many local poachers.

too much human feeding will make the Tibetan antelope lose its guard against humans and be more likely to be killed.

A lot of times, a person who wants to do a good deed with good intentions makes a big mistake.

kindness is not a matter of wishful thinking, it requires enough wisdom to deal with complex human feelings in the world.

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only with the wisdom of insight into the world can one avoid doing bad things with good intentions.

kindness needs discretion, teeth, ability and wisdom.

it's hard to be kind, but I hope you don't give up.

maybe one of your kindness can make a person embrace the world again, and maybe one of your good thoughts can make a person have the courage to live.

those who treat others with kindness also tend to be kind.

good people will not be disappointed after all.

after the wind and rain, may you be as kind and warm as ever.