When the child dillydally, the parents hold this battle plan in hand

/October 2022

recently, I saw a video on the Internet.

in the video, a little girl is sitting at the table.

I saw her holding a spoon, calmly scooping the porridge in the bowl, which could be scooped back to scoop, but not into her mouth.

while the father, who was carrying a schoolbag and was ready to take his daughter to school, frowned all the way.

the father looks complicated in the face of his daughter, who is always in no hurry.

as time went by and the daughter who was supposed to arrive at school at 7: 45 was still sitting at home, the father could not help looking away and sighed deeply.

after reading it, I really want to laugh and get angry.

in fact, in the long circle at home, there has been a saying: 9 out of 10 children dillydally, and one because you don't hear what you say at all.

in the face of their children's dillydally, the first reaction of most parents is to urge.

can you really help your child get rid of dillydally?


Children's procrastination is not a disease

parents urged

in the "Super Parental teacher", there was such a scene:

the mother is "impatient", but his son Hao Hao is born "slow".

before getting off work every day, the mother calls her son again and again to urge her son to do his homework.

however, when my mother came home to check, only to find that Hao Hao still didn't do anything, my mother suddenly burst out: "Why didn't you write a word?"

"how many calls have been made and how many times have you been urged!"

are you trying to piss me off?

such "wars" break out almost every few days.

at first, in the face of his mother's urging and roaring, Hao Hao either said nothing and allowed tears to roll in his eyes. Or hide in the corner while covering your ears with your hands.

but gradually, no matter what his mother said, Hao Hao was indifferent.

sometimes, he even glared at his mother and refused to write a word.

in life, many parents are like Hao Hao's mother: when they see their child dillydally, they urge him, yell at him, and even want to hit him, only to find that the more anxious they are, the more procrastinating and inefficient their children are.

in fact, as Montessori said, "everyone's child has a program, and what kind of problems he should understand at a certain age is actually fixed." You can't force it. Excessive human intervention will only destroy him. "

in psychology, there is also an "out-of-limit effect": it refers to the psychological phenomenon that when a person is stimulated too much, too strong, or works for too long, it will cause psychological impatience or rebellion.

too much urging will only backfire.

A child dawdles for many reasons:

it may be because there is no concept of time, it may be because the homework is too difficult, it may be due to lack of concentration.

may also be a bit of a "perfectionist" tendency....

and all these can be solved and overcome.

but if parents always urge them endlessly, or beat and scold their children angrily. Then in the future, there will be only one reason for children's dawdling: deliberately working against their parents.

the original intention of urging a child is to make him cherish his time and grow up better.

but pushing too much will only stimulate the child's rebellious mood.

finally, let the child spend a lot of time fighting his parents.

so, instead of hastening.

it is better to unite with the children and face the difficult enemy of "dillydally" together.

for the sake of their children's growth, parents must put away this "dillydally Battle Guide".



intuitively understand dillydally and its consequences

some time ago, I saw a mother leave a message backstage: "since I became a mother, I have to fight an uphill battle every morning. Urge to get up, wash, dress, etc. In the end, I was always so angry that my son was out of breath. "

in fact, getting up, washing and getting dressed is the child's own business.

but parents unwittingly regard these as their own tasks, making them more anxious than their children.

over time, children are used to being urged to move on.

they don't even think they're dillydally.

therefore, the first thing parents should do is to let their children observe themselves as "bystanders" and have a visual understanding of their actions and their consequences.

just like the father mentioned at the beginning of the article.

while flipping through his portfolio, I found that he had consciously "switched roles" with his daughter later.

for example, the father also imitates his daughter's appearance and eats leisurely, leaving her daughter to be in a hurry:

for example, the father is still putting on his shoes leisurely when his daughter is late:

in addition, some parents worry that their children will miss class time or are criticized by the teacher, so they always try to "help" their children.

in order to avoid being late. Parents may feed their children, dress them, and drive them to school.

parents may help their children to copy the newspaper all night, and the whole family will make up their homework on the day before the start of school when they see their children fail to finish their holiday homework due to tardiness.

however, the result is to mislead children into thinking that dillydallying will not have any impact on their lives.

the right way is to let the child bear the consequences of dillydally.

tell the child in advance what time to go out.

then, get up, eat, and changeThe time for clothes and schoolbags is all arranged by the children themselves.

parents neither rush nor lose their temper.

maybe at first, children will lose things, have no time for breakfast, and will be late for school.

but after a period of groping, the child will be clear about the questions such as "what time to get up at the latest", "how long can I stay in the toilet every day" and "when should I pack my schoolbag?"


Combat weapons

Magic PDCA cycle

educator Ye Shengtao said: "you must improve your learning methods and improve your learning efficiency at any time before you can succeed."

similarly, it is important to get rid of the bad habit of dillydillydally and improve the utilization of time.

American quality management expert Hugh Hart once proposed a "PDCA cycle" to improve work efficiency.

Today, many people use it to fight laziness and procrastination.

the so-called "PDCA" is actually the acronym of four English words:

"P" stands for "Plan", that is, planning

in life, many parents have the consciousness to make a schedule for their children, but in the end, they find that not only the goal has not been achieved, but the plan has become a joke.

actually, it's not because the child is too procrastinating.

but because when making plans, most parents set a difficult goal from the start.

and an actionable goal must be specific, special, and divisible into several small steps.

for example:

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"I'm going to get rid of the bad habit of dawdling", which is a vague and difficult goal.

and "I have to finish my homework by 9 o'clock today" is a specific goal.

in addition, when many parents make plans, they copy the online schedule directly, or refer to other children's.

but in fact, because each child has different foundations, strengths, and weaknesses, other people's plans may not be suitable for their own children.

the most important thing is that no matter whether the goal is big or small, it takes a little bit of accumulation to achieve it, and no one can achieve it overnight.

therefore, any goal needs to be split into a series of small, clear steps.

for example:

"be in the top 10 of the class in the final exam". For children, this is a big goal that they don't know how to achieve.

on the contrary, it becomes much easier if the goal is divided into

"analyzing past lost scores", "conducting special knowledge training", "combing the most basic knowledge points", and so on.

"D" stands for "Do", that is, to implement

. After reading a sentence, I was quite impressed: "what the world has never lacked is not a perfect plan, but the power of action to do it."

many parents often complain about their children: "as long as the mother is not at home, the plan is to spend it in the water."

in fact, this is because children are still young and their brains have not yet completed development, so they are far less focused on their goals than adults.

at this time, the guidance and help of parents is particularly important.

as psychologist David Wood said: "parents should act as scaffolding for their children: provide a framework for their children to solve problems, allowing them to use their own brains and find ways to solve problems."

here are some countermeasures to improve children's executive ability for parents' reference:

1. When executing a plan, make sure that the first step is the hardest part of

execution in 5 minutes, which is how to take the first step.

therefore, when children do their homework at home, parents should not give them all to their children as soon as they come up, but can consciously let their children finish a few questions in the subjects they are good at first.

on the one hand, it reduces the difficulty of execution and relieves the child's anxiety;