Too kind. It's a disaster.

/June 2022

there is a question on Zhihu: what is the greatest evil of human nature?

there is a highly praised answer: the greatest evil of human nature is to consume the goodness of others.

it is true.

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of all things in the world, the most difficult to fill is the desire, the most difficult to measure is the human heart, not all people are worthy of your kindness.

the screenwriter Bonnie Bo said in the wonderful work:

Yes, goodness without fangs is cowardice, and goodness without edge is foolishness.

you should have a degree of kindness.

kindness is precious. Don't let those wicked people continue to consume your goodness.

remember: your kindness should be given to those who deserve it.


your kindness cannot cross the bottom line

Rousseau, a famous French thinker, said:

it is true. Kindness is a person's best blessing, it sets the body free and the soul noble.

be a man, you must be kind, but your kindness must not cross the bottom line.

bottomless kindness will only harm you.

some time ago, my friend Tian Tian suddenly posted a circle of friends:

when I was a child, my parents always taught me to "give roses, my hands have an aftertaste of fragrance." but I just found out today: after giving roses, what you have in your hand is not necessarily fragrant, it may also be a sharp thorn that hurts people.

I hurriedly asked her what was wrong.

she told me that she felt that people's hearts were so complicated. She was obviously kind enough to help others, but she turned out to be an injustice in the eyes of others.

it turns out that a year ago, she and some like-minded friends participated in a volunteer activity aimed at helping lonely and widowed elderly people.

at first, she and her friends just went to see these old people when they were free on weekends to chat and relieve boredom with them.

gradually, she became acquainted with the old people, and when she went to visit the old people, she would also buy them some fruit, clothes and so on.

at first, the old people told her not to spend money on these, saying that they were old and that they would just wear their clothes.

her friends are kind-hearted, and she is even more distressed when she hears what the old people say, and visits them more frequently. Sometimes when an old man has a headache, she will take the old man to the hospital on her own initiative.

gradually, no matter big or small, the old people always come to her for help.

as a result, an old man fell ill in the hospital yesterday and needed a large amount of operation fee. he actually called my company to ask me why I didn't go to see him and told me to go to the hospital quickly to hand in the money.

speaking of this, my friend burst into tears.

finally she cried and asked me, "I was kind enough to help them, but I got this result!" What did I do wrong? "

I thought about it and sent her this paragraph:

"if you overdo your duty to help, you will only get used to others; if you cross the bottom line, you will eventually hurt yourself."

the human heart is sinister and the world is difficult. Not everything is worth your help again and again, and not everyone is worthy of your kindness. "

Meng Fei said:

it is true. Sheng Mien, duo Mi Qiu.

your kindness must not cross the bottom line.

the rest of life is precious, and it is a kind of happiness to be with people who know how to return kindness.

and learning to give kindness without crossing the bottom line is a compulsory course in one's life.


your kindness cannot be lost.  Samuel Johnson, a famous British poet, once said:

in real life, there are many examples of kindness being disappointed but suffering for others.

as someone said: if you dare to be good enough to be unreserved, others will dare to be unscrupulous.

so, your kindness must not be out of measure.

you know:

most of the time, your blindly kindness is not a kind-hearted Thanksgiving, but a cross-river fight.

in the novel the Moon and sixpence, there is such a man who is "blindly kind" but is "beaten up" by the people he has helped. He is the "clown" Dirk Stroff.

"the Joker" Dirk Stroff is not a clown, but an unclassy painter.

when he appeared, Maugham wrote to him:

"Dexstrov is such a man: some laugh at the thought of him, others shrug awkwardly, often vary from person to person. Tricked by fate, he gave the impression that he was a funny character. "

"he keeps getting hurt, but he is kind-hearted and never holds a grudge: the serpent bit him, but he didn't learn the lesson. As soon as the pain was gone, he kindly carried the snake in his arms."

and when I finished watching the Moon and sixpence, I found that

he would not only carry the poisonous snake that had just bit him in his arms! Even if a man who wanted to kill him fell on the side of the road, if he saw it, he would kindly send him to the hospital.

Charles Strickland laughed at him presumptuously, not only not angry, but after the former fell ill, he took him home to be taken care of by his wife.

his wife betrayed herself and ran away with Charles Strickland, who was rescued by him "kindly". Not only was he not angry, but because he could not bear his wife to wander around with each other, she gave up his house to them. And ashamed, "I can't expect her to love me as much as I love her." I can't blame her. "

finally, his wife committed suicide because Charles Strickland didn't love him, and he went to see her non-stop every day. Even if the other person didn't see him, he didn't care. Instead, he did it for her after her death.For the funeral, "it was heartbreaking to see that her good skin was burned."


No wonder Maugham said, "they despise him because he is so easy to bully."

and his "too easy to bully" stems from his unmeasured kindness.

as the saying goes, "A good man is deceived by others, and a good horse is ridden."

too kind is not a good thing.

some people say that when goodness is out of measure, it encourages evil.

I think so.

there is such a line in the movie Godfather:

there is nothing wrong with being a kind person. But don't let your kindness get out of line.


you are so kind that you shouldn't lose your edge

in 1967, 24-year-old Sanmao went to study in Spain alone.

before leaving, at the sweltering airport, Sanmao's parents wiped away their tears and told her again and again:

is no longer a child. To treat others outside and deal with the world, it is necessary to have the upbringing of the Chinese people, to be patient in everything, it is cheap to suffer losses. In case you have an argument with someone, you must think of it this way-take a step back and have a broad sky.

Sanmao quietly listened to her parents' instructions, nodded hard, and then walked towards the plane.

after arriving in Spain, Sanmao lived in a girls' dormitory called Academy and was assigned to a large bedroom for four people.

at first, Sanmao got along well with her roommates, as she wrote in her family letter to her parents: "I didn't forget my adults' orders, gave way everywhere, and they didn't bully me."... "

but after three months, she will not only make her own bed, but also help her roommate make it.

in addition, cleaning the table, cleaning the dormitory, cleaning the waste paper on the floor, and even her wardrobe has become a free "fashion store" for roommates.

in her book, she wrote: "to lose is to be cheap, and now I am really a cheap person."

the tolerance that lost the scale and the kindness that crossed the bottom line made Sanmao a "cheap man". She sighed:

then, one night, her roommates crowded into her bed to drink and fight. when they were found, the dean blamed her, and she decided to throw away her useless patience and kindness and rise up.

and in the end, Sanmao got the respect he hadn't seen for a long time.

from then on, as she wrote in the West Wind, "I had a very good time in this dormitory."

there is a word called "good can be deceived". People who are too kind are really easy to be bullied by villains.

of course, there is nothing wrong with kindness itself, but those who consume it.

all my life, Baiyun Cang Dog, suffering from losses and hard work are not the coldest people, but the most chilling thing is:

your good deeds and good deeds lead to evil words and evil words from others;

your good intentions are exchanged for the heartless and heartless of others.

not all people will return the favor for your kindness, and not all people deserve your kindness.

Professor Chen Guo of Fudan University once said, "your kindness should be a little sharp."

that's true. The way to be kind is to be soft without losing its edge.


your kindness should be given to the worthy  French romantic writer Hugo once said, "A kind heart is the sun."

Mark Twain also sang:

it's good to be kind, and there's nothing wrong with being benevolent.

however, kindness without principles will only become a sharp knife that others use to hurt you. You know:

bottomless kindness will only let the wicked do whatever they want;  unmeasured kindness will only make the villains worse;

unbridled kindness will only make the villains unscrupulous.

people, the most rare thing is consistent kindness, and what is even rarer than this is consistent kindness with scale, bottom line and edge.

kindness is precious, please leave it to those who deserve it.

encourage each other.