Third-rate mothers give cell phones, second-rate mothers give toys, first-rate mothers.

Happy weekend, you slumped on the sofa at home and painted "Sister who braved the Wind and waves".

imagine yourself on the stage, dazzling and free, just like my sisters.

but an immature voice pulls you back to reality and shatters your perfect fantasy.

at first you were very patient: "you play by yourself first, and mom will play with you when she's done."

then you start looking at Weibo and browsing Douyin for fear of missing a hot search.

then the child came over and asked, "Mom, let's play for a while."

when you are interrupted by the child, you suddenly sit up and see that the father of the child will always be the same teenager, without the slightest change:

the father loves like a mountain and remains motionless, and you are even more angry. I want to drive them to the countryside to catch chickens and get rid of dogs.

your aggrieved child yelled away, took care of himself, and did not disturb anyone again.

at night, I looked at the child's sleeping face, forgot his annoying appearance during the day, and quietly lost his mind.

you begin to blame yourself. You can't do this to him any more. Love him well and stay with him.

the next day, it was dawn, and last night was like a dream. When you woke up, you couldn't help losing your temper at him.

wait until you want to put down your phone: "come here, Mom will play with you for a while."

the child has grown up:

"Mom, I'm going to take the exam soon, so I don't have time to play." "Mom, I have to be with my girlfriend. I don't have time to play."

"Mom, I'm on a business trip, so I don't have time to play."

later, in hindsight, you found that the child was surrounded by the knee for a total of only a few years.

time is fair to anyone. If you are willing to sacrifice your time to accompany him, he will take the time to accompany you.

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when we miss the time to grow up with our children, we really miss it!

01

most parents, companionship is really just "companionship"

there is a saying spread on the Internet:

neighbor Sister Cai always complains to me that she doesn't know how to get along with her children and once felt like a failure.

obviously he gave him the best of everything and spent a lot of time with him, but the child was not close to her all the time, and even gave her some indifference.

after learning about her way of getting along with her children, it dawned on me that it was no accident that the child alienated her.

what she means by spending time with the child is to give the child his favorite toy and let him play in the living room.

while she is lying on the sofa next to her playing with her cell phone, she won't take the initiative to talk to her child at all.

the child asked her a few more questions, and when she was in a good mood, she answered patiently, but when she was in a bad mood, she became impatient: "go and ask your father. You have a lot to do every day."

what most parents call "companionship" is really just "accompany".

even simple "accompany" is not good. During his presidential campaign, Obama said proudly:

"I may not be a good president, but I must be a good father."

because during the 21-month campaign, I have never missed a parent-teacher meeting of my daughters. "

from congressman to president, no matter what position he is in, how busy he is, and how much work he has increased, Obama always takes the time to stay with his daughter as much as possible.

I have dinner with my daughters every night and answer all kinds of questions patiently.

he and his wife used to be the busiest parents, but they can still give high-quality companionship to their children in limited time.

even if you tell your child a story, play a game and build a building block for 15 minutes a day, your child's childhood will be more wonderful and his personality will be more perfect because of your company.

parents and children respect each other, attach importance to companionship, and strive to realize their dreams, which may be the true meaning of education!

02

Children get worse. Starting from parents' neglect,

magazine people has an interview with Shen Ke, the ancestor of Chinese Internet celebrities:

Shen Ke's self-created rap songs and complex emotional life are a large part of the youth memories of the post-90s generation.

Shen Ke's family is very well-off. His father is the boss of a pharmaceutical company, and his mother is on holiday abroad all the year round. But parents spend very little time on their children.

in the fourth grade of primary school, her father transferred her to an aristocratic school, and from then on, her parents almost walked out of the way she grew up.

Wu Zhihong said: "without a response, home is also a desperate situation."

although the family is only one of the "problems" in Shen Ke's growth, it is undoubtedly the biggest and most eye-catching.

Shen Ke, who is in her 30s, still can't get sense of security in her life.

Children who have been neglected by their parents for a long time do not even dare to make their own demands and are always worried about causing trouble to others.

Tai Jaizhi's sentence: "I am sorry that I was born a human being." I told the children all their sadness.

when they grow up, they don't have much gratitude to their parents, and their relationship is estranged and weak.

maybe many people had experiences like this in their childhood:

finally got the first place in the exam, but parents asked why they didn't get a full mark and failed to expect praise;

they wanted to spend more time with their parents, but their parents were always too busy to make money.

but the important thing is that such a childhood is not so bad, and has not been abused, bullied or abandoned.

compared with those children who live in the shadow of domestic violence, family breakdown and other environments, we are undoubtedly lucky.

but, justIt is the seemingly quiet, harmless, invisible "neglect" that may become the "crux" that cannot be solved many years later.

until we begin to explore ourselves and go back to the original family together, some hidden truths will not be revealed slowly.

the opposite of love is not hate, but forgetting and neglect.

the feeling of being ignored and abandoned is enough to destroy a child.

03

Cold violence is a lifelong nightmare for children

some parents are busy making a living, and there are some problems in life that make them busy.

they don't have much energy to care about their children, and some of them are even "cold and violent" for a long time.

this kind of "cold violence" can be expressionless neglect and indifference, or open-mouthed ridicule and sarcasm. The children tried to be reasonable and spoke softly, but the parents ignored them.

when you say it out loud, the response is often:

Zhihu has a question: what kind of experience is it to be cold and violent for a long time by your parents?

netizen Dong Dong replied:

during the summer vacation in the fifth grade of primary school, my mother asked me to take a tutoring class. She asked me if I would like it, but I said no.

my mother ignored me all summer vacation. I hardly spoke that summer vacation, banging my head against the wall painfully.

finally I wrote a letter to my mother, saying that I knew I was wrong and that I wanted to go.

I will never forget the smug look on my mother's face when she saw the letter, which was the humiliation of my life.

there is a word in psychology called "existential anxiety".

means that parents are indifferent and perfunctory no matter what their children say or do.

Children will feel that they have no sense of existence and are not loved.

once there was an issue of "Strange work". Bo Bonnie said, "people who have a lot of bitterness in their hearts, how much sweetness does it take to fill it up?"

Ma Dong replied:

any true feelings in the world will move these children to tears.

Rome was not built in a day, and the "cold violence" suffered in childhood may take a lifetime to bury.

the psychological trauma it causes to children may last a lifetime, which is more terrible than beating and scolding children.

04

give the child a full emotional response, the child will be better

Ma Yili once posted on Weibo reflecting that she did not give the child a full emotional response, and blindly wanted the child to be independent too early:

under the stupid idea of independent parenting, I insisted that after she fell asleep, even if I fell asleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night and take her back to the cot. At that time, most of the child-rearing ideas were training independence from an early age, delaying gratification and frustration education, but now it's all nonsense!

it is clear that the more satisfied the sense of dependence, the more children who get full emotional response in infancy will have sense of security and become truly independent when they grow up.

A mother of two netizens also lamented:

"Children will not rely on their parents for too long."

most parents have such a misunderstanding that their children's ability to resist setbacks is poor, not strong and brave enough.

as everyone knows, a child's ability to withstand setbacks is not how much suffering and setbacks he has experienced, but how much happiness and hope are stored in his heart.

I have felt unconditional acceptance, experienced happiness from the bottom of my heart, and there is light and beauty in my heart.

Children will have confidence in themselves, longing for life, awe of life, worthy of the world, and a bright future!

parents'"seeing" and full emotional response can make their children enjoy the nourishment of love.

it can give children the strength to be independent and brave, and it is the armor for children to deal with setbacks all their lives.

now parenting is no longer the time to feed.

for children, the picture books read with their parents and the building blocks are the most fragrant and interesting!

after all, they can rely on your time, which is only a few years.

stop ignoring children and don't let them become "left-behind children" around their parents.

take children to climb mountains, see the sea and breathe fresh air, leaving gorgeous memories of their childhood.