The volume of the mother determines the child's life.
"I can't control myself. I yell at my children so loudly that I can sing soprano."
"the kid of my family is getting more and more naughty day by day. Without yelling at him three or two times, he is going to go to the house and uncover the tile."
it was only after being a mother that I realized that these complaints were not groundless.
in the face of children's mischief, disobedience, and even "repeated teachings do not change", the mother can not help but feel emotional and raise the volume.
yelling at children has almost become a daily practice for many parents.
there are no perfect parents in the world, and it is helpless to yell at their children.
however, for the child, the mother's high-pitched roar is terrible, and the damage to the child's body and mind is indelible.
because most of the yelling and blame are linked to punishment, the unintentional actions of adults actually lower the happiness of children.
Chen Heqin, an education expert, said:
Education expert Chen Heqin said:
Education expert Chen Heqin said:
on the way to education, parents' biggest enemy is actually their own volume.
my mother was dissatisfied with her lying on the sofa, complaining and questioning, "what do you look like?" Can't you sleep in the house? "
seeing her indifferent, her mother's voice kept rising, and her questioning suddenly turned into merciless abuse.
when she got up and wanted to leave the house, her father began to keep threatening: "if you dare to go, I will renounce all relations with you."
for a while, roars and abuse broke out one after another in the small living room.
Liu Shan completely collapsed when her parents said, "you go to hell", like a sharp blade straight into the girl's heart.
she rushed out of the door crying and jumped to the edge of the pond, trying to resist her parents' attack with her death.
fortunately, adults arrived in time, which did not lead to irreparable consequences.
Professor Li Meijin, a psychologist, once said: "it's easy to destroy a child without games and fun, as long as his parents yell at him all the year round."
the emotions that erupt when parents yell at their children and blurt out hurtful words will make their children feel untrusted, unacceptable and angry at the same time.
in many cases, the louder the mother's roar, the child will not only not "speak", but also will not "listen".
you tell him to go east, but he goes west.
Professor Li Meijin conducted a survey of 1000 minors and found that children who were often yelled and scolded by their parents at home were the most likely to develop personality defects.
25.7% of the children are "self-abased and depressed"; 56.5% of the children are often "grumpy".
the lethality of shouting is tantamount to stabbing a child in the heart, leaving scars on his character.
if such feelings accumulate too much, in the end, the child can only find an outlet inward, become silent and self-abased, or "release" outward and become an "emotional" child.
parents cut off their children's wings with a simple, rough volume, but accused their children of not being able to fly and breaking their children's hearts.
the louder the mother's voice, the worse the child's future
in the face of parents' yelling, children will resist by dillydallying and singing a negative tune.
when the child yells at you, it's not that his wings are hard, but that you hurt him.
I have seen a video in which the protagonist is Wang Liang (a pseudonym), a teenager from Jiangsu Juvenile Detention Center.
when Wang Liang was a child, his father treated him well.
he himself is frugal and reluctant to spend money, but he is never stingy with Wang Liang's food and clothing, and he has never hit him.
but I have a bad temper and like to yell.
sometimes, if Wang Liang accidentally says something wrong, he may have a roar.
Little he was too scared to answer back. Every time his father finished shouting, he could only pretend that nothing was wrong and go out with his friends.
later, the more his father yelled, the more rebellious he became; when his father yelled at him, he roared back.
in junior high school, he began to give up and indulge in online games.
because in his opinion, "I didn't do anything right anyway."
once, he clashed with a friend while playing a game because he was yelled at by a friend, which brought back painful memories of being yelled at by his father when he was a child.
Wang Liang, who became angry, found a fruit knife and stabbed his friend three times!
after Wang Liang was taken away, his father woke up: "I mistakenly thought that yelling once or twice didn't work, so I raised my voice and scolded harder and harder."... "
yell, some children seem to be unresponsive, but in fact they are quietly hurting the child and hindering the child's growth.
psychologist Mona Shure believes: "if parents discipline by yelling and ordering, it is easy for children to be psychologically and verbally aggressive."
when parents yell at their children, their children often receive only emotions.
but children are children after all, and when they are young, they cannot digest them, so they can only keep suppressing them inward.
until the end, emotions were detonated, hurting themselves and others.
parents who speak softly
build up the strength for children to walk the world
some time ago, the educational style of a mother on Douyin became popular.
the cause of the matter is very inconspicuous:
the 2-year-old daughter wanted to help her mother pack the lunch box, but she was kind enough to do something bad and accidentally knocked it over.
Mom heard the noise and came as soon as possible. The first sentence was not to get mad, but to state the reality: "did you knock over Mom's meal?"
the daughter stood at a distance at first, her expression was dull, and when she saw that her mother was not angry, she approached and said, "Don't scold me."... "
as he spoke, he obviously had a crying voice.
Mom took her by the hand and asked gently, "Mom doesn't talk about you, she just asks you. Are you careless?"
then squat down to listen to my daughter's explanation.
the daughter nodded aggrieved, hugged her mother and began to cry.
Mother gently appeased her again: "will you be more careful next time?"
the daughter nodded obediently and gradually regained her calm.
at this time, the mother got up, cleaned the floor and told her daughter:
"Don't mess with mom's lunch box next time, okay?"
"can I ask Mom and Dad to help me?"
"you see this is a waste, isn't it?"
the scene that could have triggered "a murder" has been so gently taken.
in the comment area, netizens praised her mother for being gentle, patient and good-tempered, and her daughter was taught to be clever and sensible by her.
when a child makes a mistake accidentally, a wise mother listens more patiently and responds gently than shouting.
A good education should "nourish all things in silence".
parents only need to change their tone and intonation slightly to make their children recognize their mistakes and remember their lessons.
around us, the problem of many parents is not that they are too bad-tempered, but that they speak with a bad tone and too many decibels.
No one knows that even naughty children are eager to be treated gently by their parents.
if parents can control their emotions and speak in a low voice when their children have problems, it is not only a kind of respect for their children, but also a background for their children's happiness in life.
when a child makes a mistake, do not immediately get angry without asking questions; if the child does not listen to his own words, he must not communicate, understand the original intention, and immediately scold him.
sometimes, if we spend a little time and patience to communicate with our children, we may get different results.
when communicating with your child, use "Hayward Tower chat"
"Hayworth Tower" meaning close to the English word fellowship, that is, partnership.
this way of learning is usually in pairs, analyzing or learning a problem by asking questions, answering questions, dialogue, and discussion.
for example, the child broke the vase you finally bought, just trying to take out the beautiful bouquet.
at this point, adults might as well take the initiative to ask the question:
"Why do you want a bouquet?"
take the initiative to ask questions and let children express events instead of making qualitative and comments first.
wait for the child to explain his reason, and then continue to ask: "this is a bouquet that mother likes very much. What will happen to you if your favorite toy is broken by your mother?"
adults do not need to characterize their children's problems, but to induce them to think on their own initiative.
by doing so, we can not only directly understand the child's ideas, but also exercise the child's ability of independent thinking and language expression, and virtually promote the formation of a harmonious parent-child relationship.
Nothing could be more charming than our lace back wedding dress . Whatever your taste, we have just what you need.
under the guidance of choice, give the initiative to children
generally, when faced with two kinds of multiple choice questions, people will choose the more self-serving one.
so when the child is making trouble, it is also a way to give two choices to guide the child.
for example, if a child procrastinates his homework, he can say, "finish your homework first, and then you can watch cartoons for half an hour, or watch TV for half an hour and spend the rest of your time studying."
throw the problem to the child, and use the method of choosing one of the two to better guide the child to make a reasonable choice and avoid unnecessary conflicts and contradictions caused by the uproar.
if you can't help but get angry, please apologize to your child as soon as possible
our parents also have emotional moments, but educating with emotion is a failure.
there are no perfect children, and we are not perfect parents.
if we can't help yelling at our children, it's time to let go of our parents' posture. Apologizing is not a disgrace, but the most powerful glue to repair the rift between parents and children.
No one is born to be a good parent, and he always encounters all kinds of problems when educating his children.
but we should keep in mind that
parents are their children's closest friends and should be the closest to their children's psychological distance.
shouting education will only destroy the children's trust and attachment to their parents and push the children further.
parents who are truly far-sighted will keep a low profile and put themselves on an equal footing with their children.
the softer the parents' voice, the more affinity they have, the more willing their children are to cooperate, and the better the educational effect will be.