The quickest way to destroy a child is to scold him, scold him, scold him

two days ago, I saw a particularly sad news.

there is a 10-year-old boy in Hangzhou who scored 90 in the final English exam.

in the eyes of most people, a score of 90 is not too good for third graders, but it is not so bad.

however, he was scolded by his mother.

poor grades have made the child feel depressed, coupled with the mother's scolding, make the child feel extremely uncomfortable.

when his family wasn't looking, he put down his schoolbag, took off his watch, left a note for his mother, and ran away from home.

the content of the note is heart-wrenching and distressing: "Mom, I ran away from home. I went to a place where you will never find it."

after the mother found the note, she hurriedly called the police. fortunately, the police found the child by a small river.

I have read a sentence: "the attack, abuse and negation of those closest to you are enough to destroy a child's spirit and body."

when children feel uneasy and scared, the first thing parents should give their children is comfort, encouragement and support, rather than sprinkling a handful of salt on the wound, making it the last straw to crush the child.

Education is a process of spring breeze and rain, nourishing everything quietly. Blindly scolding and belittling will only hurt children's self-esteem, and parents' self-motivation will become the sharpest weapon to hurt their children.

if you scold your child, he will not stop loving you, but he will stop loving himself.

01

your mouth is a child's feng shui

there is a "mirror I effect" in psychology, which is put forward by Charles Horton Kuli, an American sociologist.

he believes that people's behavior depends to a large extent on self-evaluation and cognition, which mainly completes self-evaluation through the feelings and judgments of others.

for children, parents are his most intuitive mirror, and their evaluation of themselves is their children's most direct understanding of themselves.

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if parents' words are positive and positive encouragement, children will also face themselves and life with sunshine and optimism;

if parents' words are negative and negative, children's world will face the dilemma of darkness and helplessness.

in the famous director Xie Yong's work "language violence", he investigated six teenagers detained by the juvenile detention center in Shenyang and found that they had all suffered language violence from their parents.

"what a shame!"

"are you a pig brain?"

"useless, why don't you go to hell!"

.

these blurted words are like sharp knives one after another, carving children into the mouth of their parents and pushing them into the abyss of crime.

educator Yin Jianli said:

"violent education can make children obedient, will not make them smart and sensible, can make them obedient, will not make them self-conscious and self-motivated."

this kind of education can achieve some temporary and superficial effects, but it comes at the expense of the depravity and depression of children as a whole.

using beating and scolding to promote children's academic progress can only make children disgusted with their studies;

using beating and scolding to make children obedient, children will only become more stubborn and rebellious;

use beating and scolding to make children be good people. Children can only become psychologically twisted under blame.

parents will never know what kind of harm your hurtful words will do to their children and what kind of personality they will shape.

in this way, it destroys not only the child's self-confidence, but also the child's life.

02

your mouth makes children no longer love themselves

see such a girl on the Internet.

she studied very well from an early age, ranking at the top of her class, and occasionally her father's face became gloomy when her grades fell to tenth place.

after my father hastily signed, he threw the test paper on the ground and let the girl reflect on it.

this throw is like throwing a girl's dignity to the ground.

since then, the girl has devoted all her efforts to her studies, but no matter how hard she tries, she can't get a word of encouragement from her father.

when she was timid and self-abased, her father said that she was not as cheerful as others, like a stuffy gourd.

when she got the third place in the exam, her father said that others always came first and should learn from others.

when she saw the guest blushing and having stage fright, her father said that "other people's children" were eloquent and her mouth was stupid.

after puberty, the girl begins to close herself, not socializing with classmates or communicating with others. Over time, she begins to please and cater to others, losing herself, and can't look up anywhere.

parents are used to belittling blows that crush their children's self-esteem and values.

Li Meijin, a professor at Renmin University of China, once said:

"A child denied by his parents will never learn to love himself all his life."

constantly belittling, children will lose confidence in life; constant negation will make children lose their pursuit of self-worth.

A child whose parents destroy his sense of self-worth is confused about the future and indifferent to life.

psychologist Adler said in inferiority and Transcendence:

"those losers-psychopaths, criminals, problem teenagers, suicides, fallen people-fail because they do not find a sense of belonging and value."

sense of value is the motivation that a child will not give up, lose himself, or regard himself as a waste.

and it all depends on parents being objective to their children.The cognition and evaluation of.

Children are not animals. Using tame educational methods will only make them less and less confident and feel more and more like a loser.

when a child feels that everything he does is wrong, he will gradually weaken his self-preservation, his vision for the future, and even his hope for life.

constantly belittling, making children lose confidence in life; constantly negating, making children lose their pursuit of themselves.

03

good children are encouraged

"positive discipline" has a saying:

"when we pay attention to the dignity of our children, respect them, and have a firm attitude, children will soon understand that their bad behavior will not get the results they want, which will encourage them to change their behavior while maintaining their self-esteem."

Wang Jinzhan, a well-known teacher, has also shared such a set of data:

A person who is often not encouraged, his potential is only developed by 20%, 30%, and once encouraged, his potential will be developed to 50%. If the encouragement comes from the family, then his potential will be developed to 70% and 80%.

do you remember the most powerful "dark horse" in the college entrance examination last year?

Zhao Qichen, a classmate from Zhejiang Ninghai Middle School, was often at the bottom of his class in his freshman year of high school.

but in the college entrance examination, he was admitted to Tsinghua University with the second score of the whole school.

behind this miracle is his mother who supports and encourages him all the way.

Zhao said: "keeping faith is on the one hand, but the most important thing is that my mother never scolds me for my poor grades."

when I was confused, she always encouraged me, supported me, and gave me the warmest hug. "

Japanese writer Yuko Kanahara said in her book Let Boys listen and Girls say it: