The most comfortable way of life: do not please others, do not wronge yourself, live up to the rest of your life

/September 2022

Cai Kangyong once described happiness like this:

one of my important criteria for happiness is whether I can often say'no'to a lot of things I don't like.

saying'no'is a very happy thing because you don't have to force yourself to fall into a quagmire and you can't get out. "

I am deeply convinced that we always want to be recognized by others in our lives.

so unconsciously they will please others, do some things they don't like, even at the expense of grievances, living too tense and too tired.

as I get older, I gradually realize that the most important thing is never others, but myself.

instead of living in the eyes and opinions of others, it is better to live your own life.

the most comfortable way to live is not to please others, to wronge yourself, and to live up to the rest of your life.


Don't please others

in the novel Beautiful New World, there is a heartbreaking saying:

"what people feel painful is not that they replace thinking with laughter, but that they don't know why they laugh and why they stop thinking."

sometimes, what makes people feel tired, numb, and bored is not the triviality of daily life.

but, in trying to please others again and again, I lost myself quietly.

in the book Silent confession, it is really distressing for people to read the way the 16-year-old Lydia fawned on her parents.

Lydia's mother's biggest regret in her life was that she was unable to become a female doctor because she got married and had children.

her father felt sorry because his skin color was out of tune with everything around him and could not fit in with the group.

in order to become her mother's ideal female doctor, Lydia forced herself to learn subjects she didn't like and did physics problems that she was not good at.

Get prepared to purchase the alluring boho formal dresses and have everyone looking at you. Find that perfect dress, it will stay timeless and trendy season after season.

at the same time, in order to please her father, she will create the illusion that she has many friends and gets along well with them.

in fact, she doesn't have any friends at school.

under her flattery, her mother mistakenly thought that she also wanted to be a female doctor, so she arranged all her time full and forbade her to do anything that had nothing to do with her study.

and her father thought she wanted to be a gregarious person, taking the trouble to ask about her and her friends every day, and helping Lydia become popular in his way.

Lydia is out of breath in front of her. She doesn't want to please anyone any more. She just wants to live for herself.

but she has long adapted to the life of courting her parents and doesn't know how to make herself happy.

unable to bear all this, she chose to throw herself into the lake in the dead of night.

Yi Shu once said:

"Life is only a few decades, the most important thing is to satisfy yourself, not to please others."

the same is true of affection, and so is love and friendship.

there is no need to please those who have you in their hearts, but it is useless to please those who do not have you in their hearts.

most of the time, if you try your best to please, you may not be liked by others.

in the flattery again and again, I lose myself, make myself scarred, and make it cheap to pay.

any relationship is never something you can have if you are submissive and flattering.

as the saying goes:

"those who can really appreciate you will always appreciate your pride, not your pretend to be humble and agreeable."

instead of spending a lot of time and energy to please others, it is better to spend time trying to please yourself and encounter a better self.


do not wronge yourself

the writer Qingge once shared such a story.

once, she and her husband managed to find time for a long-planned one-day trip to Hong Kong.

but when her colleagues found out, they impolitely made a list of purchasing agents and asked her to help buy all kinds of things.

among them, a colleague even asked for help to bring four cans of imported milk powder of a specified brand.

although she was very reluctant, she reluctantly agreed for fear of hurting the relationship between them.

after arriving in Hong Kong, they had to change their previously planned route and go shopping first and then play.

it took more than half a day to buy everything on the list.

then they found that there was no way to have a good time with these big and small bags.

and the female colleague who saw the price not only did not thank her, but also blamed her for buying too much.

each of them has his own grievances, and instead of getting better, the relationship is gradually estranged.

in life, we have more or less dominated other people's emotions and thoughts, while ignoring our own feelings.