The maturity of the middle-aged: keep calm, bend down, and raise your head.
there is a hot topic on Zhihu: what is true maturity?
A highly praised answer is:
when people reach middle age and fight with life for many years, those who are seemingly mature have already surrendered to life and become unable to recover.
but people who are really mature become invincible in the vicissitudes of life.
in this world, some people live in tall buildings, some people are in deep ditches, some people are naked, some people are covered in rust.
but at a certain age, whether you live in a tall building or fall into a deep ditch, you have to be careful to hide your rust properly for the responsibility on your shoulders.
Last year, my friend Lao Guo experienced a midlife crisis.
he was originally a middle manager, but after the company went bankrupt, Lao Guo became unemployed.
the house loan, the car loan, the tuition fees of the two children, and the expenses are like mountains, pressing him out of breath.
at that time, his father suddenly suffered another stroke and was ill in bed.
at the age of forty, I thought the years were quiet, but in the twinkling of an eye, the reality was besieged on all sides.
during the day, he goes around for simple interviews and works part-time to make money.
after work, as soon as he entered the ward, he talked and laughed with his father like nothing happened.
this kind of life lasts for several months, he has not had the slightest panic, to be honest, I admire very much.
when he asked him if he could handle it, he only said faintly, "No matter how difficult it is, you still have to get through it."
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some people say: "at the age of forty, men will always become calm."
I think that when you reach a certain age, it is not "a cure for a long illness", but "if you are not brave, no one will be strong for you".
before, I read an article on the Internet, "Why do middle-aged men like to be alone in the car before they go home?"
it says that many middle-aged men stay in the car after work just to get home late.
they will sit in the car, smoke a cigarette, brush their cell phone, or be in a quiet daze. And back home, in front of your partner and children, you have to smile and play the calm self.
at the end of a busy day, only this moment is the antidote to life.
there is no room for collapse in the lives of middle-aged people.
they vent carefully, ease in silence, and even if they are exhausted, they dare not fall down.
because behind, there is no one to rely on, but there are too many people relying on them.
Fu Seoul said in "Strange work":
when people reach a certain age, they have to be the eaves, because they can no longer find shelter from the wind and rain.
when you are young, everyone is arrogant, and then most of them are smoothed out by life.
the maturity of middle-aged people begins with letting go of useless face.
because of extensive reading, host Dou Wentao used to be very "aloof".
for work, he has his own set of requirements. Programs with low configuration are not available, and the hosts of business performances are not considered.
for this reason, I missed a lot of advertisements and activities.
until one day, my mother had a cerebral infarction and was admitted to ICU. She was in serious condition.
Dou Wentao hurried home and greeted a snowflake hospital bill.
living in Utopia, Dou Wentao was confused, but also woke up.
he began to make money like crazy.
the cameos of advertisements, variety shows, wedding hosts, and even nameless movies. I don't leave behind all the jobs I can take.
when his mother was in a coma, he called his friends all over the phone to borrow money.
there is no lack of teasing.
Dou Wentao had to accompany his smiling face and put in a good word to others in a low voice.
the man who thinks too much of face finally puts down his face and takes care of Li Zi.
because, when a relative's life is in danger, he is no longer a free and easy person, but the mother's child and the pillar of the family.
later, my mother was finally safely discharged from the hospital, and when Dou Wentao mentioned this experience, Dou Wentao only said faintly:
some people say that people really become strong, not because they guard their self-esteem, but when they put it aside.
because he knows that there is something he wants to protect more than self-esteem.
in the adult world, there are tall halls above, young children below, fog in front and chasing soldiers in the back.
who doesn't sell their freedom and replace it with diesel, rice, oil and salt?
who doesn't pawn their choice and have no worries about their family?
obviously with a noble heart, he is willing to bend down and bow his head, regardless of face, but live with more courage than anyone else.
if you swallow a grievance, you can take responsibility and prop up a day for important people.
you may have heard the story of bamboo:
in the first four years of growth, bamboo can only grow 3 centimeters.
but from the fourth year, it will grow at a rate of 30 centimeters.
it is precisely because they take root silently in the dark, passing through the hardest 3cm, that they become green and straight later.
the same is true of life.
when you reach a certain age, you will understand that pain and suffering are destined to be a part of life.
Don't talk about justice in front of fate.
as Feng Zikai said:
some time ago, a group of "debt repayment bills" on Weibo went viral.
this group of bills comes from Shanghai nanny Yang Rurubiu.
four years ago, due to her husband's investment mistake, the Yang Rubiu family owed a debt of 800000 yuan.
800000, enoughTo overwhelm an ordinary family.
the most desperate moment is when the mobile phone receives countless calls a day, and Yang Rubiu just clicks on to answer it, and then there is a voice asking for money on the opposite side.
in order to pay off the debt, Yang Ruruu quit her job as a teacher and came to Shanghai to become a babysitter.
it's not easy to be a babysitter. Yang Rurubiu gets up early, diligent and never perfunctory.
the housekeeping industry in Shanghai can get 14 months' salary all year round, so Yang Rurubiu almost never asks for leave.
she reduced her daily expenses to the extreme, but she remembered it in the "repayment book".
in the fourth year of coming to Shanghai, Yang Rubiu finally paid off 800000.
in front of the media camera, Yang Ruruu smiled lightly and talked about her longing for the future when it came to paying off her debts.
years are like sailing on a big river, there are always thousands of huge waves ahead.
but so what?
after going through those difficult years in life, it's like a train coming out of a tunnel, warmth and light coming all of a sudden.
you just found that the world can be so agreeable.
when you reach middle age, you are really strong when you experience despair and still have hope.
when you are at a low ebb, you must have the courage to raise your head.
if you can't get through it, it's an abyss, but to survive the darkness is to have a bright future.
some people say that there are only two kinds of people in adulthood, one is mature, the other is old.
in fact, maturity is in the heart, not in age.
in the days to come, please try to find the sweetness of life and become a more mature self.
calm as water, calm and calm in the face of wind and waves.
in times of adversity, he knows how to make a choice and can bend and stretch.
when you lose hope, move forward bravely with hope.
you will find that all experiences are the marks of growth.
you will find that the spring on the road is just right, and you can look forward to the future.