The greatest blessing of a family is to raise grateful children.
Qian Zhongshu once used a sentence to describe Yang Jiang:
the love of this literary couple not only has the romance of the blue peach blossom and the new moon, but also combines the tacit understanding and persistence of empathy.
the cultivation of their daughter Qian Kui by husband and wife is regarded as a model of humanistic education.
Qian Zhi inherited the talents of his parents and became a professor in the English Department of Beijing normal University. He created English stylistics and has great attainments in the professional field.
when she was a child, Qian Yuan used to say:
when she grows up, no matter how busy she is at work, Qian will always rush home to sew pajamas for her sleep-deprived mother and peel off candy wrappers for her sugar-loving father.
Yang Jiang, Qian Zhongshu and daughter Qian Kui
Yang Jiang, Qian Zhongshu and daughter Qian Jie
Yang Jiang, Qian Zhongshu and daughter Qian Jie
Yang Jiang, Qian Zhongshu and daughter Qian Jie
Yang Jiang, Qian Zhongshu and daughter Qian Jie
01
the sadness of Chinese parents:
A child who gives everything but can't raise a grateful child
Douban has a discussion group with a name that scares all parents: parents are evil.
some of them complain about their parents' poor support, while others feel that their parents are too poor to enter the upper class.
others feel chilled by the resentment of their parents in their words.
this is the sadness of Chinese parents:
devote all their painstaking efforts, but cultivate one by one ungrateful white-eyed wolves.
how many families are parents who grind their teeth to shoulder the burden of life and prop up a greenhouse garden for their children that is impenetrable to the rain and impenetrable to the wind.
while children are used to accepting and taking unilaterally, enjoy everything with peace of mind, and don't know how to cherish it at all.
Why on earth is the reason?
in fact, the answer is very simple:
many parents only care about their children's food and clothing, and only care about their children's grades, but forget to teach their children to be grateful.
for a family, parents are the root and the child is the fruit.
when there is something wrong with the fruit, most of them have problems with their roots, and children do not know how to be grateful, and it is often the problem with family education.
02
it is useless for a child who does not know how to be grateful.
if a child does not know how to be grateful, no matter how good he is in other aspects, it will not do any good to the family or society.
do you remember the news that the foreign student killed his mother?
A mother works hard for her children to study and study abroad.
this boy has been studying abroad for five years and often goes to high-end venues. He needs about NT $400000 in tuition and living expenses each year, while his mother only earns more than NT $7,000 a month.
when his mother could no longer provide high living expenses, the boy stabbed his mother at the airport with a knife.
in an interview with a reporter later, the boy calmly said that he thought his mother was lying to him and was unwilling to give him money, so he was very angry and broke out all of a sudden.
the mother's unlimited love and connivance breeds hatred and resentment.
for a child who does not know how to be grateful, no matter how much his parents pay for him, it is normal in his eyes. Once the normality in his eyes is broken, he will feel resentment.
Shakespeare wrote in his King Lear:
the saddest thing in the world is that while parents are waiting for their children to be grateful, children are waiting for their parents to apologize.
03
Family affection does not need to be returned, but it is worth thanking
there is an old Chinese saying that "raise children to prevent old age".
but most parents love their children instinctively, not looking for something in return.
teach children to be grateful just to let them know that they are enjoying the contributions of others and that their lives are happy because of the contributions of others.
Nietzsche said: "gratitude is the health of the soul."
Lin Zexu also said: "if you have bad intentions, feng shui is useless; if your parents are disrespectful, it is useless to worship God."
Family affection is not unilateral love and care, but also warmth and comfort for both sides.
gratitude is not a debt burden, but a motivator.
Qian returned to Qian's old house for the first time when he was ten years old.
at that time, all the children of Qian's family, large and small, gathered in the courtyard to play, but Qianzhu stayed quietly beside his grandfather to read.
the girl leaned against the end of her grandfather's bed, tucking him in and flipping through the pages.
Children who are grateful will care for and love the people around them from the bottom of their heart and try their best to do what they can for their families.
his sensibility and strength, optimism and gratitude will become the wealth of a lifetime.
04
Thanksgiving comes from love;
Love is accomplished, and it is easy to let go
to teach children to be grateful.
to be grateful, the most important thing is love.
in the old concept, "beating is scolding is love" and punishing every disagreement is actually a kind of rudeness and laziness.
later, it became popular to "encourage education". Everything was done according to the wishes of the children, and they were meticulous in clothing, food, shelter and transportation, but they were perfunctory to their children's feelings, which was far from being love.
in educating children, the methods of Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu are worth using for reference.
1. Husband and wife love each other, moistening things silently
Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang are very affectionate, raising their eyebrows together, and their daughter has been able to take care of people since she was young.
whenever Qian Zhongshu goes on a business trip, he never asks Yang Jiang to take good care of her daughter.
he only told Ah Yi to take good care of his mother, and Qian Yi always answered responsibly.You should come down.
whenever his father asks for leave due to illness, Qian Kui runs to comfort his father:
if husband and wife live with their children as the center, they will blindly indulge and spoil;
if the relationship between husband and wife is bad and the family atmosphere is tense, the child's psychology will also be shadowed.
on the contrary, if husband and wife love each other, children will learn to look like adults, learn to love and accompany, and naturally know how to be grateful.
2. Lead by example, imperceptibly influence
Yang Jiang once said: "the role of example is very important, and words are not as good as example."
they never instruct their daughter's education, but imperceptibly permeate it.
the two love to read, and when their daughter sees it, she reads it just the same and gradually enters the Tao.
Qian Zhongshu never showed the dignity of his father, and he was even more naughty than his daughter.
when he sleeps every day, he hides his daughter's toys, mirrors and stationery into the quilt and sets traps for his daughter to take the bait. The two of them enjoyed it.
you don't have to be too strict with your children.
Let the child play and learn, there is no gap in the child's heart, while growing up happily, the heart is full of warmth.
of course, I will give back to my parents and the world warmly.
3. Let go properly and learn to be independent
Qian Zhi asked his father if he didn't understand English when he was a child.
Qian Zhongshu does not teach her, but encourages her to look it up herself, and sometimes even has to look up five or six English dictionaries in order to look up an interpretation.
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husband and wife never do everything, so they develop an independent character.
Yang Jiang once wrote in the prose collection "the three of us":
now many parents carry a heavy load, deliberately leaving their children a good time.
but responsibility and gratitude are not achieved overnight.
only when parents learn to let go properly can their children learn to fly by themselves.
05
the greatest blessing of a family is to raise a grateful child.
at the end of 1997, Qian Kui wrote a limerick to pay New year's greetings to his mother Yang Jiang:
at this time, Qian Kui was seriously ill and could no longer eat. She died soon after the poem was written.
the last thing she left to the world was her love and gratitude to her parents.
Bi Shumin said:
parents in the world, if you love your child, be sure to let him start to love you and the people around him when he can.
this is by no means an adult's selfishness, but a vision for the sake of a child's life. "
the so-called teaching children to be "grateful" is not to tell their parents how difficult it is to ask their children to be filial when they grow up.
but teach children the ability to love, learn to love themselves, learn to love their parents, learn to love life.
tell children that life is not easy.
tell your children that parents don't want you to return the favor, but hope you know how to be grateful.
this is not the selfishness of parents, but the vision of their children's future life.
May parents all over the world be treated gently by their children.