The better the person, the more comfortable he is.
in our daily life, we deal with all kinds of people.
some people want to stay away from each other completely after a short period of time, and the longer some people associate with each other, the more favorable they will be.
in the final analysis, it's just because everyone has a different way of dealing with the world.
the author @ Wu Xiaowu told a story.
one winter, book friend Liu Qun bought a wool scarf at the original price of 750 yuan, which was on sale in time for activities, and finally bought it for only 280 yuan.
she happily gathered around to go to work, and several colleagues in the office said she was beautiful.
but colleague Zhao Ting came forward and touched her and said:
Liu Qun smiled and said, "it doesn't matter, just wear it comfortably."
several colleagues next to me also agreed: "Yes, it is most important to feel comfortable."
when she went to work the next day, Zhao Ting proudly told Liu Qun:
what's more, she still insists on "popularizing science" and what the real wool is like.
Liu Qun replied to her: "No matter whether it is true or not, I am happy to wear it. Are you satisfied only if you have to mess up other people's good mood?"
finally, the two broke up in discord.
I don't know if you have found that most of the people with poor fate in their lives are used to being self-centered and never consider the feelings of others.
like to get the upper hand in conversation and make things difficult for others.
but forget that it is not self-cultivation that makes people uncomfortable.
there is a saying: "the better a person is, the more comfortable he is to others."
I am deeply convinced of this.
I have seen a share on Zhihu, and I feel very warm.
A boss opened a restaurant and didn't go there very often.
once a friend called him and said they were in the private room of the hotel and asked him to come and get together.
the friend only said the location of the private room, but not the room number.
he walked into a parcel room and just opened the door when he found that he was going the wrong way.
the guest inside has checked out, and a waiter is eating the rest of the guest's meal.
he was about to turn around and walk away when the waiter froze when he saw the boss coming in.
he immediately said: "here, bring me a pair of chopsticks, others did not bite, clean waste!"
then they started eating in the private room.
the waiter still works in his shop, works very hard, and is already the foreman at a young age.
imagine that if the boss saw that, he just turned around and left, or complained to the waiter.
it must be enough to embarrass the waiter for a long time.
but his immediate reaction warmly safeguarded each other's self-esteem.
as the old saying goes, "A gentleman is like jade, and his tentacles can be warm."
the better a person is, the more compassionate he is and how to be kind to everyone around him.
their hearts are gentle and delicate, and they know how to resolve the embarrassment of others at the right time.
they have seen the real world, but they are always considerate of others from the heart.
with the deepening of experience, I gradually understand that making people comfortable is an upbringing rooted in the heart.
Cao Xueqin wrote in A Dream of Red Mansions: "everything in the world is learned, and human experience is an article."
people who are comfortable are never easy.
remember a story I once read.
in a department store, there came an old lady with simple clothes, drenched to the skin and hiding from the rain.
all the salespeople didn't want to talk to her, but one young man asked with concern, "Hello, madam. What can I do for you?"
the old lady felt a little uneasy about borrowing someone else's place to hide from the rain. "No, I'll leave as soon as it rains."
the young man saw her embarrassment: "Don't be embarrassed, madam." I moved a chair and left it at the door. Just rest in peace. "
the rain stopped two hours later, and the old lady asked for the young man's business card and left.
A few months later, the young man got an opportunity. He was appointed to negotiate business with another big family company on behalf of the department store.
it was later learned that it was given by an old lady, who was none other than the mother of American billionaire Steel King Carnegie.
in life, we often hear such a voice:
"when you are alive, it is most important to live comfortably. Why should you care about others?"
"the so-called comfort is just sleek, flattering others and wronging yourself."
do not realize that being gentle to others does not mean being humble and flattering, but a kind of kindness from the bottom of your heart.
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making people comfortable is not a matter of wronging themselves, but a person's soft power.
many opportunities and popularity are attracted precisely because we are gentle to others.
people who know how to make people comfortable will have a wider and wider road in life.
how to make people comfortable?
Daniel Gorman, a famous American psychologist, said in EQ: "the degree to which you are comfortable determines the height you can reach."
the more excellent people are, the more they know how to give others a sense of comfort in all aspects of life.
1. Leave a copy of respect for others
Meng Fei hosts a "new matchmaking meeting" in which a female guest is in a very favorable condition.
sheNot only good-looking, with a double degree, but also versatile, but also a good personality.
compared with her, all the male guests at the scene were overshadowed.
however, the father of the female guest said at the scene: "Today, there is no family that moves me."
Meng Fei reminded the father to respect other families.
did not expect the other side to get worse, breaking the rules and jumping out to stop: "Don't choose any of them!"
his words not only undermined the self-esteem of the male guests, but also made the scene very embarrassing.
the father had a sense of superiority, but the audience gave him a look of disgust.
to elevate yourself by belittling others, you can only expose your ignorance invisibly.
the higher the level, the more respect for others.
Don't say what you shouldn't say and don't do things that step on people's self-esteem.
2. Help others out at the right time
A writer once told such a story.
once, she hosted an event and originally wanted to invite the guests to speak.
as a result, she made a slip of the tongue and changed "speak two words" into "speak two words". She was a little embarrassed for a moment.
but the guest took the microphone unhurriedly and said funnily:
"I am honored that the host has given me the opportunity to speak. I not only wanted to talk about it, but also planned to talk a lot. As a result, she saw it at a glance and gave me an examination question, which restricted me to speak 'two words'.
then I might as well obey and express my congratulations on the complete success of today's event. You see, there are more than two words for 'congratulations'. "
after many years, the writer wrote in the book: this guest cleverly rescued me, which really makes me grateful to this day.
in life, everyone has embarrassing times.
being able to help others out carefully is also a sign of high EQ.
sometimes it's just a simple word and an action that makes people grateful.
3. Know how to compare your heart to heart
there is a good saying: "behind all high EQ is a kind of kindness."
people who are comfortable just know how to compare their hearts to each other and think from the point of view of others.
I always believe that only when you have someone else in your heart can you be considerate in words and deeds.
on the contrary, those who have only themselves in mind often embarrass others.
if you want to understand others better, try to be considerate of others.
heart to heart will win the hearts of the people at last.
I have read a passage saying:
May we all be such open-minded and gentle people for the rest of our lives.
know the world but not sophisticated, sleek and naive.
speak moderately, do things in moderation, and have others in mind.
one day you will find that to make others comfortable is to make yourself comfortable.