People's Daily: regardless of being uneducated and undisciplined, excellent children can't do without these six educational rules.
not long ago, a piece of news made many parents angry and reflect.
on October 12, at Jinyintan Station on Wuhan Metro Line 2, a mother hurriedly pushed two suitcases and asked passers-by how to get to Tianhe Airport.
before long, a little girl ran over and kicked the mother and her suitcase angrily. The passers-by waiting for the subway could not bear to watch, so they stopped the girl, and the girl and the passers-by played together.
the mother hurriedly came forward to dissuade it, saying that it was all right.
in fact, in the video, the mother is not only carrying a bag, but also holding two suitcases in her hand. instead, her daughter is empty-handed, but she is angry because she took the wrong bus but releases all her bad attitude toward her closest mother.
many netizens say that what you plant is what you get.
indulge their children too much, not only the parents suffer, but also the children's character development is gradually distorted, becoming uneducated and unruly, not only do not know how to respect their parents, but also fail to do the most basic politeness and etiquette.
but the discipline is too strict, and it is easy for children to develop rebellious hearts and deepen psychological obstacles.
whether and how to discipline, for many parents, this scale is more difficult to grasp.
the following are the six golden rules for educating children put forward by People's Daily, which should be used for reference by parents.
1, fish tank rule
there are several small fish with big heads and red backs that have been growing alive in the fish tank, but they have been so small for several years. Then one day, when the fish tank broke, someone put them in the fountain pond. Surprisingly, two months later, the fish had grown from three inches to a foot.
in fact, children are like small fish, they need free space to grow up.
if parents indulge and protect blindly, and help them make choices and decisions, their children will not have the habit of independent thinking and innovation, and even if they have learned knowledge, they will not draw lessons from others, let alone use them flexibly.
when you grow up, you will be subconsciously afraid of making decisions and making mistakes.
Children need freedom, and parents need to resist the impulse to do things for their children. Be the leader of a child, not a hand-in-hand helper and a compulsion to say one is one.
2, reinforcement Law
put a glass wall in the water, whale and food were put aside. At first, the whale knocked on the glass violently, but was never able to touch the food. After a period of time, the whale was tired and stopped hitting. Even if the glass wall was later removed, the whale never hit, but only focused on its own activities.
habit is a terrible thing, and almost every creature is deeply affected by it. A good habit is the wealth of a child's life, but a bad habit is the culprit that hinders the development of a child's life.
if children want to develop good habits, parents must first train themselves to get rid of bad habits. For example, don't check your cell phone in front of your children, don't cross your legs, smoke, don't blurt people out of your mouth when you are emotionally unstable, and don't hit people as soon as you lose your temper.
all these behaviors are seen in the eyes of children, and they learn from them.
3, South Wind effect
South Wind and North Wind bet that whoever can take off the pedestrian's clothes first will win.
the north wind blew hard, but the pedestrians wrapped their clothes more and more tightly. The south wind blew gently, but all the pedestrians took off their coats. In the end, there was no doubt that the south wind won.
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the same is true for children. Too much love, on the contrary, will make the child have a rebellious mentality, blindly give and give, but also let the child take it for granted.
parents should learn to relax and be tolerant. They should not haggle over every small mistake of their children, take them too seriously, and never regard their children as their own, so that they do not have the authority and dignity that parents should have.
4, Rosenthal effect
this is a kind of social psychological effect, which means that teachers' expectations of children are different, which will affect the results of children's behavior.
for everyone, family and friends are the core of support.
when they encounter setbacks, parents' attitude will directly affect their children's reaction to setbacks.
if parents always take a negative attitude towards their children and often suppress their self-confidence, the child will really gradually become self-abased and timid.
but if parents often encourage their children and believe in their abilities and behavior, their children will become more and more optimistic, confident and generous, and willing to try anything they have never tried before.
5, respect the Law
in class, the teacher asks the children to tell a story and draw it. She will bind the children's story into a book and tell them that this is the first book the children have written. In the future, they will all become very powerful characters.
even if teachers are so, parents should respect their children more. Respect their childish expressions and respect dreams that seem unrealistic and unreachable to adults.
think of the child as an independent person, not just a "child of your own" or "a piece of meat cut from your own body".
give children room to think independently, respect their privacy, respect their choices, respect their friends, even if parents really think that their children's choices are wrong, they should use flexible expressions to advise, rather than interfere.
try to communicate with children, rather than commands and coercion, so that children will be willing to listen carefully to their parents.
the communication between parents and children is mutual, and this kind of mutual communication should start with parents.
6, delay gratification
when a child doesn't like reading, his father made an agreement with him: it's exactly 3 minutes after the hourglass, and we'll read the story for 3 minutes together.Books. The child thought to himself, it's only three minutes anyway. Just watch.
the end of 3 minutes, the child has not finished reading, want to extend the time, but the father insisted on watching only 3 minutes.
after many times, the child learns to read actively.
in fact, many similar good habits, parents can use interactive guidance to cultivate their children, as long as parents give more patience.
if you want your child to focus on one thing, try "3 minutes". After many attempts, the child will become more focused and more resistant to external temptations, and the child will become more and more patient.
all these contribute to the cultivation of excellent children, but what if the child unwittingly becomes a bear child in the process of growing up?
People's Daily also proposed seven ways to discipline bear children without beating or scolding.
1, divert attention
divert your child's attention from "problems" to interesting and useful things. But this kind of problem is only suitable for minor or accidental problems, and diversion is effective.
2. Clearly express the position of strong disagreement
if there are some problems that need to be corrected and clearly defined in time, it is necessary to convey the attitude of disagreement to the child in time, but it is necessary to understand the overall situation of the problem and not attack the child's personality.
for example, parents should remind and correct children who pull girls' hair at will, mess up things laboriously arranged by the staff, and doodle on other people's books.
convey a strong disagreement to the child, and the child will know that it is wrong to do so.
3. Show your expectations
Don't over-pursue the mistakes that have already occurred, and express your trust in your child and your expectation for the next behavior improvement.
for example, if your child accidentally loses your things, don't say it again and gently express the hope that it won't happen again next time and take good care of it.
4. Provide choices
provide children with reasonable choices that we can accept, and give them a sense of respect rather than compulsion.
for example, he also has the right to decide and choose whether to enroll his child in cram school or not.
5, tell children how to make up for their mistakes
Children feel guilty after making mistakes, but they don't know how to make up for them, and they may even be afraid to avoid mistakes. At this time, parents have to guide their children.
for example, if a child breaks a soy sauce bottle and dyes the sofa, his parents should teach him to clean the family and take responsibility for his own actions.
6, take action
7. Let children experience the natural consequences of wrong behavior
if they make a mistake, they have to bear the mistake, and the child is no exception.
there is no excellent child who does not need the patient guidance of parents and careful education.
like that bad saying, the best family education is to teach by example.
A bear child can only be born by doting and regulation alone, but if love, tube and education are put together, the child's personality and potential will be developed to the maximum extent.
every minute of life is an excellent opportunity for education. In this seemingly arduous road, parents themselves will get the best growth.
if you set an example and raise children by yourself, there will be much fewer bear children in this world.