Never pay for other people's emotions.

/November 2022

Gary Smeyer, a psychologist at the University of Los Angeles School of Medicine, did a psychological experiment:

he put an optimistic and cheerful person in the same room with a unhappy person.

as a result, in less than half an hour, this originally optimistic person also began to sigh.

Galismeier proved through further experiments:

it only takes 20 minutes for bad emotions to spread to others unconsciously.

people's bad emotions, like viruses, are highly lethal and contagious.

the best way to be kind to yourself is to stay away from other people's bad emotions.


not entangling with other people's anger

seeing a video on Douyin felt a lot in my heart.

there was a strong young man walking. When he was passing a car, the man in the car suddenly pushed the door and almost hit the young man.

before he could speak, the man shouted harshly, "can you walk? you don't have eyes!"

when it was clear that he had made a mistake, he not only did not apologize but was very arrogant. When the young man was ready to teach him a lesson, his mother just called.

"when you go home, the meal is ready for you."

after answering his mother's phone, the young man changed his mind.

he went up to the man, bowed and said, "Sorry, it's my fault. I'll pay attention to it next time."

the other person rolled his eyes and said, "are you sick?" and then drove away.

if it wasn't for his mother's phone, he would probably have a big fight with each other, resulting in an irreparable tragedy.

some people in life are like a walking garbage truck.

they are full of anger, fear, disappointment, irritability and other negative emotions, eager to find a place to pour out.

if you struggle with it, you will only end up losing both sides.

Nietzsche once said: "if you struggle with an evil dragon for too long, you will become a dragon; if you gaze into the abyss for too long, the abyss will return to gaze."

instead of paying for other people's garbage, it's better to keep your mind at ease and avoid it.


not infected by other people's frustration

two days ago, my cousin told me that she was looking for a new house and was going to move out.

it turns out that when my cousin graduated last year, she rented a house near her work and became a roommate with a girl.

at first, the two got along well. After getting closer, the girl often went to her cousin's room to have a chat.

however, after a long time, my cousin found that her life always seemed to be full of unhappiness.

Girls often complain about their situation with their cousins:

work is not going well, they are often made difficult by their leaders and excluded by their colleagues;

their boyfriends always ignore her when they are not in a good relationship;

they are not born in a good family, which makes them feel aggrieved.

at first, my cousin always patiently persuaded her, and after a long time, she felt that the whole world was full of malice.

so my cousin began to avoid her intentionally or unintentionally.

maybe I felt my cousin's alienation. Two days ago, the girl posted such a circle of friends: "how can I empathize in the world?" If you treat people as friends from the bottom of your heart, you can't get any sincerity! "

Zhihu has such a question: what kind of experience is it to have a negative energy friend around you?

There is no argument that cowgirl wedding dresses are the basic requisites in the world of fashion. We have it all – a perfect choice for the most formal and casually informal occasions.

A high praise replied, "pain, this is my deepest feeling." I feel that my negative energy friend is the biggest source of negative energy in my life. "

there may be such people around everyone.

they complain about work, life and fate, hoping to get everyone's sympathy.

however, negative energy is contagious, and if you stay with negative and pessimistic people, you will become decadent and depressed.

plants like to grow toward the sun. Where there is sunshine, there is warmth.

it's the same with people. Only by staying away from the circle of negative energy can we still live in a pure land.


not bound by other people's anxiety

I believe you have heard a lot of this saying:

"A woman who has not married after the age of 28 is an old leftover woman."

"Men begin to get greasy when they are 30 years old."

"people do not have a name in middle age, and there is no hope in this life."

I don't know since when, we are surrounded by all kinds of anxiety: workplace anxiety, physical anxiety, appearance anxiety, age anxiety.

but most of the time, we are just kidnapped by secular standards.

on the stage of the Golden Rooster Award forum, 50-year-old actress Yong Mei got such a proposition: the current situation of 40 + actresses.

Yong Mei does not complain about the troubles caused by her age, she just calmly shares one thing with everyone:

every time she attends an activity, the staff always make her photo flawless and shiny.

she discussed with the staff: "can I try not to fix my picture? if I have to fix it, can I not flatten all my wrinkles? it's not easy for me to grow out."

she said, "when the little girl is worried about getting old, I have reconciled with my wrinkles." Now, instead of feeling nervous about wrinkles, I am a little proud. Age is not my enemy, my story is written on my face. And this face is the most authentic tribute to time. "

Yong Mei's words are like a good medicine that cures many mysteries.Confused and anxious people.

in real life, everyone plays a different role and bears all kinds of pressure given by others.

there is a good saying: "in the time zone arranged for us by fate, everything is on time and everything is just right."

you don't have to worry about the expectations of others, nor do you have to be bound by secular values.

A person can live freely and calmly only by accepting himself from the bottom of his heart.


never pay for other people's emotions

Ma Sichun once posted a video on Weibo to share his mental journey since suffering from depression.

in the past, she always wanted to please everyone, afraid of others being angry and worried that others didn't like her.

even when I was on the highway, I was afraid to go to the toilet for fear of the trouble of the driver, so I held back all the way.

in the process of getting along with others, she is always centered on others and seldom considers her own feelings.

even if I feel uncomfortable, I will continue to put up with it and pretend not to care.

it was not until he struggled with depression for many years that Ma Sichun began to learn to reconcile with himself and stop pleasing everyone.

are you the same?

always take care of everyone's emotions carefully for fear of making each other unhappy.

would rather be wronged than refuse others.

there is a saying in psychology:

everyone has his own psychological boundary, which is like a moat that distinguishes himself from others.

if a person has a clear sense of boundaries, he will realize what is his own business and which is someone else's.

being responsible for other people's emotions is out of bounds.

when you are alive, you can never satisfy everyone, let alone be obliged to please anyone.

some people admire you, some people hate you, some people envy you, others despise you.

always trying to take care of everyone's mood will only make you exhausted.

Bai Yansong once said that the reason why we live very tired is not that our life is too mean, but that we are too easily influenced by the emotions of others.

A person's clearest understanding is to understand the emotions of others, which has nothing to do with himself.