Most of the children who grow up with low self-esteem come from these families
recently, while chasing "Xiao Shedi", I was deeply touched by this scene:
Mi Tao mother found that her daughter had not gone to Happy Home for dinner and homework for several days as previously agreed.
so the mother, who cared about her daughter, asked Mi Tao at the dinner table:
"have you encountered anything unhappy recently, or have you been at odds with the joy?"
but Mitao kept her head down and didn't say a word.
looking at his daughter's sullen look, the father couldn't help it any longer and yelled at Mi Tao:
"talk like a gourd!"
Milo trembled with fear, but still said nothing.
at this time, the mother sighed, took her daughter in her arms and said to her earnestly, "daughter, it's not good to be too introverted." You see how good Huanhuan is. It's generous every day. If you look at you again, you can't wait to walk against the wall every day. "
Dad also hated to add:
"Let's look up and stand tall and don't look so embarrassed on the table."
but after listening to my parents' advice and complaints, Mi Tao's head was buried even lower.
in fact, where Mi Tao is "introverted" and where is "not on the table", she is obviously just too self-abased.
the performance of rice peach is like Zhihu's question, "how do children who lack self-confidence feel from an early age?" the answer given by netizens is the same:
walk slowly, bow your head, and huddle together when you meet people;
speak in a low voice;
dare not look at people's faces;
try not to move, speak or laugh when there are many people.
in fact, no life comes from inferiority.
every child with low self-esteem can find the answer in his native family.
if a child is always unconfident, unhappy and extremely careful in his every move, it is probably because his parents have the following behaviors:
ask the child to be sensible:
"you must be obedient" is the curse of the child's life
. In the play, Mi Tao's parents always teach her to be sensible, and the most common thing to say to Mi Tao is:
"Peach" Our whole family is counting on you. "
and Mitao, who grew up under this kind of education, is so sensible that he hardly looks like a fifth-grade child.
watching my parents worry about the high cost of training, Mi Tao clenched her teeth and assured them:
"I can skip it. If I work hard, I will catch up."
Huanhuan invites Mi Tao to try on the skirt. Mi Tao obviously likes it very much, but she still has a bad skirt on her mouth:
"it's light blue and can't stand dirt."
"however, it is just right this year, but it will be small next year, and it will be wasted if you can't wear it." Finally, the sensible and distressing child shook his head slowly and said firmly:
"I don't want it. I don't like wearing skirts."
dare not be capricious, selfish, still less dare to complain about grievances.
everyone says that Mi Tao is sensible, but who knows that behind being sensible is a deep inferiority complex.
it is precisely because of being too sensible that when other children are still wayward, Mi Tao has begun to bear the pressure of not belonging to his own age.
"sensible" and "obedient" have become a mountain on Mi Tao.
because of this, in the original work, she changed from a top student with excellent grades to a patient with depression. In the end, she had no choice but to drop out of school.
Children like Mi Tao have never been alone in life.
I know a girl who once said to me, "being sensible is the longest and most painful nightmare of my life."
since my brother was born, the family's financial situation has suddenly become tense. For this reason, Mom and Dad have told her time and again:
"the family is not well-off, you must be sensible."
in this way, obviously, as a child, she was forced to "grow up" overnight:
she made braised meat at home, and her brother impolitely put a few large pieces into his bowl, but she only picked up the bean skins on the plate as a side dish.
Mom took her and her brother shopping and bought her new clothes and shoes for her younger brother. When she asked her what she needed, she squeezed the corner of her washed skirt hard and wanted to say several times that she had been wearing her skirt for two years.
but in the end, I shook my head.
growing up, she almost never went against the wishes of adults, and even cried, hiding in the corner and weeping silently.
speaking of this, she has burst into tears:
"all along, my parents have praised me as a sensible and good child, but my kindness is not because of love at all, but just because I am really scared."
there are no children born sensible, only those who dare not express their needs or refuse others because of inferiority complex.
they are always flattering others, self-sacrificing in embarrassment, and painfully tough, but forget that innocence is a child's exclusive weapon.
likes to hit children:
parents' bad comments are a knife to the heart of their children
the CCTV program "Psychological interview" interviewed such a family:
daughter Fan Chengjin, 33, has been at home for ten years since she graduated from college and has not been out looking for a job for ten years.
in front of the camera, she recalled her childhood:
when she was in junior high school, she loved to write and draw, and used to write and draw herself.After designing sneakers and clothes, her parents' first reaction was to belittle her hobby:
"what's the use, is it useful?" Read a book! "
when cooking, she accidentally put too much water, and the whole family came to criticize her:
"Why did you leave so much water behind?" I can't even cook a meal! "
after receiving one bad review after another from his parents, Fan Chengjin became more and more self-abased and felt that he couldn't do anything well.
at its worst, I can't even speak.
after graduating from college, Fan Chengjin's speechless symptoms became more and more serious, but her family still gave her percussion education:
"you're done in the future, I'll get down on my knees!"
"you've done it, the dog has done it."
in this way, Fan Chengjin finally failed to survive the pain of being hit, and had to spend the rest of his life in a self-closed world.
in fact, every child expects to be a better person.
but the parents' blow and belittling made the child deviate from the original track and fell into the quagmire of self-doubt and self-negation.
writer Ai Xiaoyang once shared the story of herself and her father:
in her second year of high school, she worked so hard that she won the first place in an exam when she was in the middle of the exam.
but who knows, when she excitedly sent the report card to her father, she only got a contemptuous look and a "blind cat bumped into a dead mouse."
after work, every time she buys a present and comes home, her father criticizes her:
"what is this? What a waste of money! "
on the eve of her father's 60th birthday, she pondered, selected and thought about countless gifts, but still couldn't decide what to buy.
in the evening, she dreamt that her father was sitting in her massage chair and suddenly disappeared, and before she disappeared, she didn't forget to yell at her:
"look what junk you bought!"
the negation and blow from the parents is the lingering shadow of the child's life.
even if he has grown up and made great achievements, his inferiority complex and fear always go hand in hand in front of his parents, jumping out from time to time to make him collapse.
parents' poor comments are scars that are always difficult to heal at the bottom of a child's heart.
if you want to destroy a child, all you have to do is say "you can't do anything" in his ear every day.
compare a child with others:
"other people's child", breaking a child's wing
Are you dizzy in searching for the sturdy, exquisite and wedding dresses for women over 40 now? Let them shower you with a display of exquisite taste.
in one issue of "Juvenile talk", a girl once stood on the stage and shouted her heart to her mother:
"I have a best friend high achiever, who is the first in the class, the first in the whole grade, the first in the whole school, and the first in the whole league." so my mother always said, look at your grades are so poor. Why would she be friends with you.
but what I want to say is:
Mom, your own children work hard, why don't you take a look? Children are not the only ones who are good at home! "
A survey was conducted in the Blue Book for teenagers, and children disliked the words their parents said the least. Results nearly half of the 275000 respondents made the same choice-
"look at other people's children."
in fact, if parents always compare their children with "other people's children", they will subconsciously magnify their children's shortcomings and tell them:
other people's children are better than you, more sensible and more obedient than you.
what is actually conveyed is turning a blind eye to the advantages of the child.
A netizen once shared his story: when I was a child, netizens were very naughty and careless in their study. Every time my mother came home from a parent-teacher meeting, she would give a long sigh:
"look at the person next door, who is in the top three in every exam, which makes it easier for parents to worry."
"and the one you play with. I heard that you got a full mark in math again. Why are you so bad?"
for a long time, netizens also feel that their grades are so poor that they are not worthy to play with friends.
so he began to study hard and stay at home to read during the holidays.
I thought that if I got good grades, my mother would no longer compare him with others, but who knows, my mother said:
"other people's children are versatile, and you know how to learn by rote all day long."
at this moment, netizens were heartbroken. He wrote:
"in my mother's eyes, I will always be a useless person, and anyone is a hundred times better than me.
I just want to ask my mother, do you regret giving birth to me? "
from a psychological point of view, self-confidence affects the sound development of the whole personality and is a sign of the continuous maturity and development of children's self-consciousness.
A child who loses self-confidence is like a flower without nutrients and a bird with broken wings.
such a child, no matter how excellent he is, no matter how hard he tries, he will eventually lose the strength to leap over mountains because of his barren soul.
I have read such a sentence:
"every child has the potential to be an excellent person, just because their parents have different daily education, giving their children a different life."
A child's inferiority complex or self-confidence comes from the education of his parents.
if parents do not blindly ask their children to be sensible, but are more concerned about whether their children are happy or not, then their children will have the strength in an atmosphere of love.
if parents know how to affirm and encourage their children, then the child will live a long life.
if parents are willing to sincerely appreciate their children and do not compare them with others, then they will have a strong and rich heart to face the storms of life.
only by achieving the above points can parents raise a confident child.
and let self-confidence become the most solid armor to protect your child's life.