Li Meijin: what kind of family do confident children come from?

/July 2022

recently, I saw a question on the Internet:

A highly praised answer by @ Hello he Yao, which read as follows:

there are more than 500 answers in the comment area, and each message reveals the sensitive and humble soul behind the screen.

Professor Li Meijin once said:

"self-confidence is the foundation of one's success, and it must be useful to make children understand that the talents that heaven and earth make me.

the academic achievement of children is indeed very important, but achievement is not everything. Parents should pay more attention to the all-round development of their children. "

Family education is an art. Parents' education to their children is not based on success or failure. Growth is more important than achievement, and adults are more important than success.

especially families that pay attention to the cultivation of children, it will be easier to raise excellent, optimistic and confident children.


families who are good at encouraging children

Professor Li Meijin once shared such a story in a lecture in which Zhang Xiaoyi, a 13-year-old boy, committed suicide by jumping off a building and leaving a suicide note:

"I am garbage, real garbage, garbage that can't do anything well."

words are full of frustration. He bid farewell to his parents with a deep sense of self-remorse and self-abandonment.

Li Meijin thinks:

Yes, blindly taunting, criticizing, and labeling will only make children look down on their abilities, consume their inner energy, and even feel abandoned by the world.

parents should not be stingy in giving encouragement and education to their children. only when a child gets full attention and appreciation from his parents can he grow into a sunny and confident child.

well-known host Yang Di is the best example.

once, Xiao S deliberately questioned Yang Di's position in the host world.

Yang Di laughs and answers: "indispensable".

he also confidently said, "without me in the host world, you will lose some happiness."

in fact, Yang Di's self-confidence is not inborn, he is often hit, when he is on TV, he is always said not to look good.

then why does he have this confidence?

Yang Di's sensational kneeling in another program revealed the answer:

"my mother said yes no matter what I did, but they never said no."

always encourages me, affirms me, and makes me feel really good. "

it was the encouragement and appreciation of Yang Di's parents that gave Yang Di, who was not outstanding in appearance, full of self-confidence, which supported him from a small role in obscurity to a comedian and host loved by the public and with a high national standard.

parents' encouragement gives their children endless spiritual strength and forges their strong hearts.

is like armor, protecting children from outside influence and standing in the middle of their own stage.

not all fish live in the same sea.

every child's growth creates infinite possibilities.

for children, the trust and encouragement of parents is the motivation to urge children to realize their dreams.


families who respect their children

Fu Seoul, known as "human sobriety," shared such a story on the program. At a family gathering, at the dinner table, my son's aunt asked him to recite a poem for everyone.

when she heard this, she immediately stood up and shouted, "I'll recite it, I'll recite it to you, and I can sing you a song!"

sounds funny, but her next words make people ponder:

"the earliest competitive atmosphere was that at the family table, there were always a few relatives who would drink and let the children perform impromptu.

if others can recite five songs at a time, but they can't memorize any of them, then the child will certainly feel inferior to others, fall into self-denial and lose self-confidence. "

all the excitement belongs to adults, and the children are only cramped in their hearts, and they have to go through 9981 difficulties related to learning and artistic performance.

in order to take care of their own face and disrespect their children's wishes, many parents force their children to perform, which will only make their introverted children become more self-abased and confident children become more sensitive.

A child is not a face-saving project for parents, as Professor Li Meijin said:

respect means to treat the child as a thoughtful individual, not to condescend to deny the child and send the child.

respect makes people confident, and the greatest blessing of children is to have parents who know how to respect themselves, to discuss everything, to choose, and the seeds of self-confidence will quietly take root in their hearts.


families with high-quality children

on how to cultivate a happy and confident child, Professor Li Meijin believes that "the personal companionship of parents is more important than material enrichment."

Yang Lan, a famous host and entrepreneur, still became one of the parents with the highest attendance in their children's piano school during his busy work.

when she comes home, no matter how busy and tired she is, she will take the time to communicate attentively with her child, listen patiently to him, and listen to him talk about everything in her life.

devote yourself to the child's world and have an emotional connection with the child.

in fact, the secret of parents' love to their children is not only physical companionship, but also emotional "holding" for a long time.

if parents are absent, children who have been neglected for a long time will grow up to be withdrawn, irritable, sensitive to inferiority, and even have obstacles in communication because of the lack of sense of security.

psychologists believe that a child's self-confidence is his or her value as a person.Fundamentally speaking, the affirmation comes from the unconditional love of parents.

like babies, they can't speak, so they need to cry for their mother's hug in order to feel loved and concerned by their parents.

sometimes giving sense of security to children is actually very simple, starting from the dinner table every morning, needless to say, just need to accompany quietly.

return to daily life, abandon electronic devices and complete more small things with children, such as parent-child reading, building blocks, graffiti, etc., from which children can fully feel the love of their parents.

therefore, parents should spend more time with their children, listen to their children's ideas, see their children's needs, and accumulate confidence for their children and the courage to ride the storm in the future.


families that give their children the right to choose

there is a passage in "self-driven growth" that tells us that most of children's confidence comes from independence:

"this feeling of'it's up to you'is the premise of a healthy mind, the source of active progress, and the motivation to get up when you fall down.

because you want to, not be forced to be this or that person. "

A child who is truly confident must be a child who has the right to make his own choice.

Chen Meiling's mother, who sent all three children to Stanford University, especially knows how to let go in time and let her children make their own decisions.

when the eldest son chose a high school in the United States, his mother wanted him to choose a good school, but the son chose only an ordinary school because it would give freshmen a horse.

Chen Meiling respects her child's choice, and her son has proved that his choice is right. Good grades and living a happy and confident life can have both.

Today, in real life, many parents always take care of their children's everything, from what to eat, what to wear, what to use every day, to what hobbies to cultivate, what major to choose, and even strict control over whether they can accept invitations from friends.

at the age of talking about marriage, even what you are looking for has to be carried out according to the standards of your parents, and you have no room to make a decision.

in this way, the child's sense of autonomy is suppressed, self-confidence is undermined, lack of responsibility, and relying on others for everything will only develop an ingratiating personality.

it is really easy to control children and do everything for them, but it is also the most useless and toxic education.

daring to let go is the real test of parents' psychological quality and value judgment.

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Love is deepest and wordless is the truest.

parents who know how to let go are more affectionate and ten thousand times more affectionate than restricting their children, and naturally deserve more confident, better and independent children.


educationist Zhang Wenli once mentioned in Milk Honey Salt:

Milk, "milk" with maternal love as the core, parents' full love and high-quality companionship, so that children will never be short of sense of security;

Honey, a "honey" dominated by encouragement and appreciation, allows children to always affirm their self-worth and establish a lifetime of self-confidence.

Salt, the "salt" that helps children grow up in training, has the courage to let children make decisions, bear, and control their own rhythm of life.

every child is a unique gift, but who he or she ultimately becomes depends on how his parents educate him.

in the growth of a child, "milk, honey and salt" are indispensable. It is not only a closeness when young, but also a proper exit when growing up.

parents should give their children more encouragement, reduce some blows, give enough love, and support their children to forge ahead with appreciation, so that their children will be more natural and confident in their future growth.

because there is light in the heart, there must be distance.