I want to like you, too.

/December 2022


Alice met a man, Jay, ten years older than her in the school coffee shop. She kept in touch after exchanging contact information. She started dating and shopping a few months ago, even occasionally kissing, doing things like lovers in the name of friends. Alice, like Jay, got along with him with the attitude of having fun and ready to get away from him at any time, but he got deeper and deeper and finally found himself hopelessly in love with him.

she thinks about him all the time, but he only thinks that she is one of his countless lovers. When he is bored, he will leave her behind when he is busy. Jay even told Alice bluntly, "I am a player, if you accept me like this, then we will continue to get along; if you do not accept, then okay, we bye-bye."

one night she came to my room barefoot and loose hair and told me that Jay didn't contact her all week because he had been busy defending his doctoral thesis.

"he smokes, goes to nightclubs, loves to play, doesn't miss home, and is bad to me. He doesn't call a day." She said with red eyes, "he puts everything above me. What do you think I like about him?"

Alice knows full well that he is indifferent to his feelings, that he will only be happy for a moment in his relationship, regardless of other people's feelings, that he is not as devoted as she likes him, that he will not give up anything for her, and that they can not go to the end because of the difference in background and age, but she just can't help herself more and more eager to get his heart.

so I told her, "you like him and don't like you."

listen to me, Alice's eyes are a little more red.



because I found that she is the same person as me.

We are born with this disease-- I like you not like me, I only like my you.

Alice is surrounded by suitors with excellent conditions. An upperclassman who looks like Mario asks her out for three meals a day, remembering all her anniversaries and birthdays, preparing surprises large and small for her birthday; a quiet boy persistently helps her revise her paper homework, even in order to help her score higher than himself; there is also a fit man who looks like Yu Wenle and Louis Koo, who asks questions through Wechat messages and perseveres when she doesn't get a response. She doesn't like it, but the doctor who likes to ignore her.

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and it's not that I haven't met a boy I like. For three years in junior high school, I have been secretly in love with Ah Yu, who sits in the back of the teacher with a very gentle voice. in the third year of high school, I like the sports student nicknamed Tortoise in the next class. coincidentally, the two boys I like finally fell in love with me before graduation. But the strange thing is, when I found that after hearing their confession, I immediately lost the feeling of heartbeat.

so I am actually the same person as Alice. The terrible thing is that I find that there are more and more such patients around me.

We like the one who doesn't like us, and we only like him wholeheartedly.

A few days ago, I talked to my best friend about Buzz. I said that before, I thought this person didn't like to talk to me, and I thought it was interesting to say a few words, but gradually he became very active, so his initial heart faded.

my best friend joked: "you are not satisfied that people take you to eat and drink and chat with you every day, you care about your cold, you little bitch."

I said that he didn't play cards according to the routine. The real trick should be that he suddenly disappeared after taking the initiative for a week, leaving me to worry about my gains and losses, and then reappear like a hero to save me from falling into the routine. Instead of like now, let me look at him to the end, let me fall into the endless cycle of "as soon as you like me, I don't like you".

my best friend is right, this is cheap. You don't want to be sincere to you, but you are longing for routines and coveting the people who hang you and ignore you.

so we keep meeting the right people and missing out on the right people. When he likes him unilaterally, his heart is always staging an ethical and moral love drama, secretly fantasizing about the future where he can't see it. However, once he sends out the "I like you, too" signal, we will take back that love as quickly as someone sees the secret, feeling that everything is meaningless.

Alice and I are such people.

what we like is only ourselves who strive to like others but don't get any response.

in other words, we just enjoy the process of chasing and wishful thinking, and even what we are thinking about is not the real person, but the personality we have imagined in our subconscious mind for the one who doesn't care about himself.

when you unilaterally like someone, you feel that he holds his head high, you feel inferior to your own smallness, and you imagine the greatness of the other person. You think you can't control him, you have to try your best to fight the moth to get his favor.

but when you find that you finally let him show his true face in front of you, ask him to tell the truth, tell him to put down his posture and tell you, "I like you, too," then you will change roles and start to stand up and look down at him. Then you will see all kinds of shortcomings in him. The huge difference between imagination and reality makes you just want to escape.Away from.

none of this was done on purpose.

you just can't control yourself. you expect too much and ask too much. Finally, in the face of reality at that moment, you lost the feeling of his heart.

I think I may never dare to like anyone again.

doesn't deserve to be liked.


the longer you are single, the more you find that this problem has no tendency to be cured at all, but becomes more and more serious.

because the older people get, the more afraid they are of making decisions, the more afraid of change, and the more cautious they are about their feelings.

We can be ambiguous, but we can't express our love. We can talk, but we can't fall in love. When I like you, I think you're high up with a halo. But when you approached me, I watched you become smaller and smaller, I felt you peeked into my secret, and I felt that you were no longer as shiny as you used to be.

liking you is my lonely mind, and it has nothing to do with you.

so you label yourself like that, and I may never be able to fall in love with the person I like. You start to be afraid of falling in love with others, because you can't help hurting them, because you will run away in panic when he reaches out his hand to you, just like it has happened countless times before.

with a label, you will be more ill.

in the movie five hundred days with Summer, the heroine Summer once said that she never believed in love at first sight. However, at the end of the film, Summer said at the wedding: "I believe in love at first sight from the day I met him."

so, you are bound to meet such a person. He can make you tear off your labels and stereotypes, and he can help you get out of the emotional circle. He makes you feel his love for you, makes you fall in love with him who likes you, and makes you enjoy the desire to conquer and like the real person at the same time.

I always believe that one unexpected night, Alice will come to my room again with bare feet and loose hair and tell me, "the people I like like me, too, so happy."

I'm also looking forward to the day when I feel your love for me, and I'll still be the same.

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