I have also been a cold Naoki.
"eel whale, you will have no friends if you are so aloof." Tong c is probably the 100th + person who told me this sentence. "that's because you don't know me yet." I never retort, because after a while they will say to me, "actually, you are not that aloof."
A few days ago, my friend asked me, "Hey, I've almost never seen you give likes to others on moments."
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"ah? Oh, because I like it only when I see the moments that I really like and feel very much. "
"you can't be so aloof. You need to order even if you don't like it, so you can keep in touch even if you don't talk. Seriously, sometimes you don't like me. I feel like you hate me. "
what she said really surprised me. I began to reflect on whether I was aloof, so that night I tried to give likes to every moments I received. Sure enough, my moments received a lot of likes, but I only did it once and didn't continue, because those likes made me feel a little bit "like".
not long ago in the "extraordinary Challenge", Lin Yichen and Zheng Yuanchang called Zheng Yuanchang a "straight tree" when they were in a hurry. This reminds me of Naoki Jiang, who is worshipped in the fourth grade of primary school. It is difficult to find another person who is taller and colder than Naoki Jiang. Xiangqin's father, Cai Shu, once said to Xiangqin, "forget Naoki, a girl's family should know the line between advance and retreat." choose to leave at this time, at least Naoki will think you are a good girl.
even a stupid Xiangqin that revolves around Naoki has collapsed: "I don't want you to see me crying." Why am I the only one crying? Won't you be sad? It's not like this. I can't stand it. I'm the only one who loves you so much that you won't even look me in the eye. You don't love me at all! "
but such an aloof Naoki Jiang would warn his younger brother privately: "I know you hate idiots, but don't bully my wife too much." he would go down the stairs and "take off his shoes" when Xiangqin stayed up late to prepare for lessons in order not to disturb her. He would secretly declare his sovereignty with Xiangqin's colleagues, "Don't always tell that guy's name Xiangqin."this is our family business."
he said: "there are 90% things in the world that I can do but she can't, and the other 10% I can't do, but she can reach the point that no one can imitate."
I don't mind being called aloof at all, because I know it's not aloof.
although Tong C says "good night" in exchange for my "routine", I will still find her to eat and burn immortal grass, go to fake grass to blow water and drink coke, and go to the basketball court to aim at the male gods to play basketball. Although I never say, "Hey, why don't you come to me", but we have developed a tacit understanding. I only sent her a picture of pearl milk tea. Her next sentence was "I'll meet you at Songshan Lake when I finish the draft."
every time my friend Ah Wen takes my hand, he is quickly thrown away by me: "can't you walk well?" Later, when she was with me, she had formed a habit of "walking independently", but she would still complain to others that I was a cold-blooded animal. Recently, she was in charge of an activity related to self-media in her own department. In fact, I didn't like lively activities and competitions very much, but I went to ask Zhang Jingbei: "I have a friend who has an activity." can you support her by taking part in the competition in disorder? "
I don't retweet, raffle or collect likes, but I almost click on the crowdfunding links forwarded by every friend, listen carefully to my friend's online radio station and then silently like it, and praise it under the official account made by my friend. I often talk to people consciously or unconsciously: "Hey, I have a friend who is super awesome."
I was brought up by my grandfather and had a deep affection. On the day he died, even my neighbor cried, but I sat calmly on the doorstep and handed the tissue to my sister. Later, I heard my relative say, "her heart is so cold that she hasn't shed a single tear." No one knew that two years later, when everyone had forgotten what this man looked like in their new life, he, who had never cried at the funeral, cried like a child when he saw a cigarette on the shelf of a convenience store and suddenly thought of him.
some people look cold
does not mean that feelings are cold
you think I am very "Jiang Naishi"
in fact, I also encountered a lot of "Jiang Naishi"
A few days ago, everyone in the editorial group posted a tweet on the moments of everyone in the editorial group, except me, "I have never seen my friends comment, appreciate, retweet, even if it's just a simple like." I suspected that nothing had happened. As a result, I had to say, "Oh, it doesn't matter. If you have a good relationship, you have to understand what I do. There are many ways to support it." at the same time, I wondered to myself, "I write rubbish."
then one day, I met a fan who told me that she knew me through a friend of mine. "he was crazy about what you wrote at our school meeting, and he used to think he was cold and aloof."
I just learned that every time, no matter whether the writing is good or not, whether they like it messy or not, they will click to see if the author is my name, and they will read every article I have written. they quietly click on the next like (even if the article is not good at all), and they will "show off" to the people around them and those they know: "I have a pretty good friend."
I have a Naoki ex-boyfriend, call him Lao Jiang. One night I made a movie appointment with Lao Jiang. Before that, we hadn't seen each other for two months. At that time, he was busy with a work exhibition, busy day and night, and went out to answer three phone calls. One of them lasted for half an hour.
I don't like to talk to others after watching movies. Only with Lao Jiang can I keep talking. Details, mysteries, cameras.You can always ponder over your lines for a long time when you talk about them.
but that day, we came out of the cinema and walked into the midnight snack club that we used to go to.
"Boss, I'd like a bowl of beef noodles."
"I also have a bowl of beef noodles."
I want an apology, and every time he knows that I just want an apology and not an apology.
"Why can I be so indifferent every time?"I know clearly that I don't need to apologize, just be soft." when my anger reached its peak, I threw my bag into my seat and turned to the bathroom. I thought of leaving something on the way. I turned around the corner and saw that Lao Jiang stopped the waiter: "Uh. Don't put onions in her bowl. "
having sushi with Zhang Jingshi last night, he asked me what you think is how to understand a person. "A lot of people will answer me. I know what you have to say next, but I think he knows why you do it."
at that time, it was raining cats and dogs outside the window. I thought of Lao Jiang. He was "indifferent" to me. He would never give me the answer I wanted. He would not praise me to my face. He would not do those sensual things that moved you. He never followed my script of dog blood, and could not satisfy my occasional vanity.
at the same time, he is very "strict" to me. When I am with others, I never have to find my way, I can't use a map, I can't use any taxi-hailing software, I don't have any shortcut phone in my phone, I don't have a distress call. With zero basic survival skills, I am tantamount to a life mental handicap.
but it is different in front of Lao Jiang. Once I got lost in a subway station and looked confused at the complicated subway transfer lines. I had no choice but to call Lao Jiang for help. As a result, Lao Jiang did not scold me or directly tell me which car to take. He drew a picture to explain in detail the problem of subway transfer lines. He will force me to find my way, force me to remember my phone number, and force me to take my keys and umbrella with me, instead of indulging me to rely on others.
I couldn't stand his "frigid" look before. I wondered if he thought I was bored and stupid and didn't want to talk to me at all, so I tried not to bother him and slowly alienated him. Later, someone said something to me, and I figured it out-- "Naoki told Xiangqin, because I don't know how long I can stay with you, and you have to walk bravely even if I'm gone." That's probably why I've been so hard on you. "
when discussing the topic of "arrogance and coldness" with the group members, Mu Yi made an interesting analogy. In fact, sometimes it is like adding hot water to plastic cans and stainless steel cans. Hot water is the same, the former conducts heat quickly and rips itself. The latter is cold on the outside and hot on the inside, but sometimes the dull and implicit feelings are kept warm for longer.
We are not aloof, nor are we incompetent in love. It is very difficult for us to express our feelings. I have to admit that many people, including me and Lao Jiang, are people with barriers to emotional expression. That is, you can let me ride for hours to see someone, but I can't tell each other "I miss you". You can let me go up and down the fire for a person. But I can't say "I care about you" to the other person.
because of this lack of expression, we are easy to lose, it is easy to be alienated and misunderstood, and not so many people dare to approach you easily, so we do not have so many "friends" around us, which is not a good thing. Perhaps fortunately, some people will leave because of your "indifference" resentment, others will stay because of your "indifference", and you will stay in front of them. You can learn to be a living person with flesh and blood, joys and sorrows.
in order to make myself look less cold, I started not using the "fan smile" expression on Wechat, and learned to collect funny gif;. In order to make myself look less cold, I began to learn to form a friend group, tell jokes as actively as possible, cooperate with everyone's jokes; in order to make myself look less cold, I tried to plan more parties for my friends and spend more time eating with them and watching movies.
in fact, I can eat alone, watch movies alone, or travel alone. Someone needs company because he cares to do these things alone. I'm used to asking you to do these things alone. It means you can only accompany me to do these things.
I've tried to make myself better
can you wait for me?