"I encourage you to be a cold person."

/July 2022

Cai Kangyong said:

"in fact, I encourage you to be a relatively cold person.

one's single-minded enthusiasm is actually blind. You must be cold most of the time to be able to compare what you are passionate about and what you are passionate about. "

to be indifferent to desire and to look down on flashy, can you enjoy stable happiness

be indifferent to social life and simplify your circle in order to reap simple happiness.

give up the things that drag you down and don't like, so that your life can be filled with the things you like.

relax your hands so that you can free up your hands to welcome the real beauty.

so please have the courage to be an indifferent person.

when there is indifference, there will be enthusiasm, and when there is separation, there will be relaxed freedom.


be indifferent to desires

Takeshi Kitano said:

Yes, we all have all kinds of desires in life.

proper desire is the driving force of human survival and gives people the motivation to move forward.

but once the desire exceeds, it will become more indulgent and eventually make you exhausted.

Last week, I just received a large box of grapefruit from my friend Si Si from his hometown.

half a year ago, the Sisi family returned to their hometown in Fujian after eight years of Beijing drifters's life.

in the days in Beijing, one of the most common words about thinking is: life is too difficult! I'm too tired to be a man!

Urban beauties can't wear cheap clothes to work, and they have to have clothes and bags that are light and extravagant.

obviously all the equipment on hand can be used, but constantly updated electronic products are still bought.

Children can't lose at the starting line, and bilingual kindergartens with tens of thousands of tuition fees have to wait in line.

in order to cater to the excessive consumption caused by the environment, the couple have to take on a large amount of consumer loan every month.

but in order to satisfy the desire, pay off the consumer loan, and need to work hard, work overtime, have meetings, and socialize.

KPI, which can never catch up with, can never get on the subway during the rush hour, which makes people feel twice as hot.

over time, overwork consumes the body, not to mention cervical spondylosis and gastrointestinal diseases.

there are more and more frequent quarrels between husband and wife, and weaker and weaker parent-child relationship.

obviously he worked hard, but his life became more and more tiring.

the side effects of excessive desire overwhelm them.

"if it goes on like this, people will be exhausted and their families will fall apart."

after making a tradeoff, the Si family decided to go back to their hometown to live.

at the farewell banquet, thinking left a sentence:

"in life, you keep your desire in the first half of your life, but you still have to abstain from it in the second half of your life."

now their family, although the quality of life has declined, but their happiness has greatly increased.

after a 10-minute commute, you can have a good meal at home and then go to work.

High heels are replaced by sneakers, suits are changed into sportswear, and what you want to wear is clean and comfortable.

although the town is that big, occasionally chatting with neighbors and aunts, going downstairs with children on swings and playing with sand is much better than forcing children to learn English.

although the hardware is limited, I occasionally go to the countryside to experience farm music, and I often eat in a big pot with my parents and old friends, which is much happier than sitting in a high-end restaurant and eating a small steak.

half an hour's commuting time, relaxed and casual clothes, simple interpersonal relationships, enough company time.

often have dinner with the parents of old friends to make life really simple.

the thought of not being bound by excessive material desires is really much happier than before.

seeing the change of thinking, I understand why people like to watch the pastoral life of "Li Zi Qi style".

probably because people enjoy the kind of impetuous and excessive desires that fade away and return to the state of life of pure satisfaction.

Thoreau said:

think about it, a good life is really not difficult.

when you are exhausted and complain that life is difficult, it is time to subtract desire.

want less things, some things you don't necessarily need;

want to spend less money, parity substitution is not necessarily bad.

replace everything that is "unnecessary, inappropriate, uncomfortable" with something that is "needed, suitable, comfortable".

keep it simple, exercise restraint, and the colder you are to your desires, the easier your life will be.


social indifference

Yi Shu said:

this point, the old friend A Fan experienced the most.

A Fan is the president of the student union of the university, living in various departments and offices on campus.

after graduation, he takes part in all kinds of social activities to exercise his social ability, and is a typical "mixed society" person.

on weekdays, I ask for introductions and successfully blend into several local bosses.

I often go to dinner and drink, and I also go to golf courses, KTV and other places.

after mixing for a long time, I naturally added a lot of so-called "boss" Wechat.

those bosses at the wine table often praise Ah Fan for being young and promising and have the opportunity to cooperate.

after getting "recognition", Ah Fan became more and more immersed in the toast, the amount of alcohol was getting better and better, and the beer belly was getting bigger and bigger.

during the epidemic at the beginning of this year, A Fan's start-up company encountered cash flow difficulties, so he sent Wechat to the bosses for help one by one, and ran to other people's companies one by one.visit.

the companion gift costs a lot of money, but some people don't remember his name at all, and some people find all kinds of excuses to keep him away.

in the end, it was his parents and his wife's family who helped him tide over the difficulties.

Zhou Guoping said:

Huang Lei also has a classic line in the TV series "Little Joy" that reveals the social truth:

"networking is not how many people you know, but how many people know you. Don't be a useless socializer."

people who are really good are never in a hurry to sell themselves socially.

because they know that only the outstanding ability they have precipitated is the best business card.

in life, many people's social life is useless, forcing themselves to join a circle that does not belong to you will only be counterproductive.

wouldn't it be more meaningful to spend that precious time on self-appreciation and spending time with your family and children?

as one writer said:

Don't waste your time in other people's lives. Your time is limited.

give yourself more space to be alone, learn to be alone, and enjoy being alone.

you can be yourself only when you are alone.

give more time to your family. When you reach middle age, only your family really cares about you.

remember to be indifferent to useless socializing and give precious enthusiasm to the people you should give.

you don't have to invite too many people into your life for the rest of your life.


indifference, not indifference, but.

there is a sentence in Cai Gentan that I like very much:

in the entertainment industry, Cai Kangyong has always been famous for his high EQ, and many people remember him because of his high EQ.

the outside world thinks that Cai Kangyong's high EQ is good-spoken and gentle.

but the people who really come into contact with him don't think so.

Ma Dong said: "after my private relationship, I found that gentleness is only the tip of the iceberg where Brother Kang Yong floats on the surface."

under tenderness, it is brother Kang Yong's cold insistence on principles and worldly sophistication. "

the old partner Xiao S said: "he seems to be covered by a transparent film under the stage, and he has a great sense of distance."

in private, Cai Kangyong never answers Xiao S's private phone calls or have private dinners with her.

Wish to shop for charming homecoming outfits on sale and showcase your sexy silhouette? Your will be elated by your enchanting look.

because he feels that keeping a distance can increase the "freshness" between two people.

but if Xiao S encounters difficulties, he will be the first to come forward to accompany and comfort him and become a solid backer behind his friends.

every time Xiao S encounters difficulties, Cai Kangyong will show up to tell her how to solve it and give her encouragement and motivation.

I think this is the true meaning of indifference.

first of all, indifference is not indifference, but learning to live for yourself.

know what you want and what you want, and never force yourself to do what you don't want to do.

do not please others, do not cater to others, take what they need, improve their own body, not greedy, not excessive, this is the real life of their own.

in the light of the secular world, do whatever you want, plain Jane Qinghuan, is a person's enthusiasm.

second, indifference is not indifference, but to achieve warmth.

at an offline reading meeting, Cai Kangyong said:

A person cannot always be enthusiastic, so your enthusiasm will be precious only if you learn to be indifferent.

it is impossible for one to be warm and modest to everyone, so only by learning to be indifferent can one achieve the warmth of those who are close to him.

A comfortable relationship is never separated by proper distance.

grasp the balance between indifference and enthusiasm, know the world rather than the world, and be smooth and naive.

light up [watching] May we all be cold people for the rest of our lives.

be bullish on desire, not impatient, but still at ease;

see through the world, do not argue, do not rob, but still treat each other gently.