I emptied 16g of your garbage.

/December 2022

article /eel whale

every time we cut the film, we used to throw the material on the table to make it easy to find, and only when the homework is really finished can we clean it up. The other day my teammate said to me, "hurry up and finish the film, so I can delete everything. It's hard to watch the table now." I joked: "Why are you so unsentimental?" He replied casually, "aren't you tired of carrying so many things?"

the feeling of reading about the past is equivalent to your phone with 16g memory.

the pain of a phone with 16g of memory is that every time you want to take a photo, you have to think about which song to delete, which song you want to delete next, and in turn, you have to think about which photos to delete. In fact, it is very easy to free up the memory. As long as you dare to delete and reinstall Wechat, or empty the photo album, you can become a big memory user.

but I dare not.

2000 + photos I dare not delete. I drink Coke every day. The Coke shot today is actually similar to the Coke taken yesterday, but I always think they are different. The school sky is almost beautiful every day, but at the school gate or in the dormitory. I always feel that they are different. I have been to the same restaurant many times, but I always feel that they are different when I come with this person and that person.

Wechat, I dare not empty the chat history either. The hardest thing about cleaning up Wechat's storage space is that after the first round, there will be a second round-deleting chat records, and every time I open it, I feel like I'm determined to empty it this time. But the notification group and work group information that accounts for 400m of memory dare not delete, for fear of missing serious business; the 160m things sent to yourself dare not be deleted, which are even more precious than the diary;

69m the people who chat most privately dare not delete them, because we have had too many boring and funny things; if we pull down, we only account for 5m of memory, who is the one who has not contacted for a long time but is very important, and the connection point between us is only 5m, so we can't delete it. People who pull to the end of 50kb can finally delete it, but only 50kb, what can be done if deleted?

I can't seem to get rid of anything when I'm going to reduce stress.

my sister is a person with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. her favorite thing to do is to clean up the room, and then scold people while tidying up, why she doesn't throw away so many things. Every time she came home to clean up the room, I was very scared. I would go through the debris pile that was about to be cleared away by the garbage truck to see if there was anything particularly important to me. My primary school especially likes to collect cd and VCDs, with Jay Chou's every album and a separate cd of each member of f4. The biggest psychological shadow in junior high school was to come home and find that all my cd had been lost. I had a cold war with the culprit, my sister, for a month, and my mother was angry for a week with my unstoppable accomplice.

those records that are already covered with dust, I seldom go back and turn them, or even forget its existence, but if one day someone reminds me that it has been cleaned up, it does not belong to me, and it will not come back. I will start to feel important again, even thinking about it every day.

some time ago, I was under a lot of pressure. I thought the most desperate way was to drop out of school. I wanted to give up some to-do list. I wanted to clean up my interpersonal circle. I thought about risking everything, but I was afraid of losing it. I am like an unstable balance that wants everything, trying to maintain the balance of all parties. But if you carry it too hard, it will collapse one day. Later, as if possessed, my phone broke down, my computer broke down, the photo album was gone, the Wechat was gone, the address book was gone, everything was gone.

after the exam, my high school friend came to me. In the school cafe, I ordered her a cup of her favorite lemon tea. She remembered that I liked tea with milk lid on cold days, but when I ordered, I used to order "iced coffee." she asked me, "do you no longer drink cold milk lid? I remember you used to drink this."

We are no longer talking about the male gods of which class, but about internships and prospects. "it turns out that I am already a junior," she said. "if you think about it, you are the only one who still has more contact in high school. Why people who used to have such a good relationship can now be completely out of touch, and even be afraid to meet, because they don't know what to say. " I poked the ice in my coffee with a straw, and I said, "it's normal."

all her feelings about the past that day, my answer was only "very normal". I said normal, everyone has their own new life circle, I said normal, everyone is very busy, I said normal, ah, we can't see each other in the same school for a semester, not to mention across the city, I said normal, you take it easy. I do not know when, I become very nostalgic, ten years passed in a hurry is very normal, emotional indifference and alienation is very normal, I see everything as normal.

recently moved to a new dormitory, I began to pack my things over the past year. I moved my suitcase out from under the bed and opened it. There was a glass bottle full of jade butterflies in the empty box. A few years ago, in order to prepare gifts for each other, I went to a strange city and finally found it in a flower shop. But before we had time to send it out, we were out of touch. Later, every place I went, it would follow me. I didn't want to put it at home or in the dormitory and take it everywhere, because I always thought it would be given away one day.

it is said that Nicholas Tse passed by a flower shop one year. He asked the owner, "what's the name of this grass?" The boss said it was called "Jade Butterfly". Nicholas Tse asked him, where did the butterfly come from? Under the guidance of the florist, he really saw the shadow of the butterfly from the top down, so he bought it home.

when he went back, he asked Lin Xi, who lived upstairs at that time, to come down and have a look. He told Lin Xi that it was a jade butterfly, and Lin Xi only said "nice". A few days later, Lin Xi went downstairs and told him that the words had been written, and Nicholas Tse had just written the song. Finally, this song was given to Faye Wong and Yu.Butterfly means that there is a "king" in jade, and butterflies can "fly (Fei)".

there is a word in it, "if there is no word code, you also know it in your heart", which is what I wanted to convey at that time.

when I was packing my things yesterday, I saw the jar of jade butterflies again. My roommate walked out from the balcony with garbage bags. She asked me, "is there anything else to throw away?" Without me, I'm going down. " I stopped her, "wait," opened the bag, and I put in the gift I had carried for three years, closed it, and left. Instead of having any regrets, I was relieved to lose it.

it's like, when I was a child, every time my mother even tricked me into taking me to a haircut, I would cry and hang myself three times, "Don't get close to me with scissors, if you want to get close to me, I'll die for you." But now every time I go home, I say to my mother, "ask me to get a haircut." I looked at the broken hair on the tiles, and nothing could be more relaxed than this time.

whenever I don't get it, but in the past, I always get the right match. Anita Mui sings this way in "seems to be an Old friend." Lin Xi said that he liked this sentence best among the words he had written, and I used to regard it as a creed. Today, it was finally other people's turn to laugh at me for being "unsentimental" and "like the new and hate the old". I told them that nostalgia in the past was not because I was sentimental, but because I was too bored.

I'm not afraid of losing because I know that the best hasn't come yet.

the school year is over again, the things that need to be cleaned up, the people who should be lost, the new semester to get a haircut, everything looks new again.

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