How to raise a child? Li Meijin: 3 years old Lien, 6 years old Liwei, 12 years old Liwei

my best friend called me and cried and said that after the child entered junior high school, she suddenly felt that her son was strange and terrible.

every night after school, my son hides in his room to play with his cell phone, and the workbook on his desk is blank. He can't help reminding him several times, but his son is so annoyed that sometimes he even yells "leave me alone!"

I can't beat or scold, and now I can't even say it.

my best friend cried hopelessly and helplessly. "Why on earth is this?"

because I missed the best time for psychological construction.

there is a step in the child's psychological development, and by the time the problem appears, the best opportunity for correction has long been lost.

Professor Li Meijin said that before the age of 12 is the critical period for children's growth.

grasp the growth characteristics of children, give psychological upbringing, the management will be easier and easier, and the road of children will be more and more stable.

parents must control the following three stages of development in time.

01

before the age of 3, relationships are the foundation of upbringing

there is a saying: no matter how hard it is, you must take your child with you.

because of the lack of early emotion, it will cause a lifelong estrangement between parents and children, and it will also become the most difficult problem to melt in discipline.

Professor Li Meijin has stressed many times that before the age of 3, parents must raise their children themselves and give them positive attention and response.

when the child is born, he is fragile and lonely. They can't move and can't speak. The response of the caregiver constitutes his belief in the world.

people are coaxed when they cry, hugged when they are uncomfortable, and satisfied immediately when they are hungry. Such a stable and positive relationship

will give the child the deepest sense of satisfaction and sense of security.

this kind of close emotional relationship is called "attachment" in developmental psychology.

many times, we have the misconception that parents are born with the right to discipline their children.

but when children grow up and turn a deaf ear to all admonitions, they will reveal the fact that

identity is never the key to discipline, and the emotional attachment of children to their parents, this psychological attraction, is the source of his willingness to listen to instruction.

in other words: attachment is the foundation of upbringing.

if parents miss the stage of establishing attachment and do not enter into an intimate relationship with their children, upbringing can become the most difficult thing in the world.

in the online drama Rebirth, teacher Song Chunli plays Lou Yi, a former chief doctor who supports a public welfare school after retirement.

Lou Yi is professional, kind and kind, but she has great love, but she is not a competent mother. She devoted all her time and energy to her work, but neglected her children.

she left her child in kindergarten countless times;

could not remember the date of her child's birthday;

when the child behaved abnormally, there was only abuse and reproach;

until her son Fan Kai disappeared, she suddenly found that her son had already slipped into the abyss of sin.

Canadian psychologist Gordon Neufeld said: behind behavioral problems, there are almost always relationship problems.

behind the children's escape, rebellion and disobedience, there is a lack of attachment to their parents.

as parents, only by connecting this psychological umbilical cord between parents and children when their children need it, can they have the power to guide their children in a long period of growth.

02

before the age of 6, character determines the ultimate success or failure

Professor Li Meijin, as a guest of the Roundtable School, said a sharp sentence:

the child's problems are lagging behind and missed the critical period of training. when problems are found, the habit of training with only 1 kilogram of effort may take 1 ton to correct.

the age of 3 to 6 is the golden period for children's character development. at this time, helping children establish good qualities and habits will benefit children for life.

not long ago, Huawei announced the selection of talented teenagers.

the stringent screening process and enviable returns have pushed these "geniuses" to the top and accepted public scrutiny.

can be traced back in detail, they are not gifted, they are more likely to take one step at a time, and eventually slowly reach the top.

Zhang Xi, who got the highest annual salary of 2.01 million, is an undergraduate from a third-tier university. Surprisingly, this is his repeat grade.

Yao Ting, a "girl of genius" who was also selected, only took the 4A2B in the high school entrance examination and did not even knock on the door of a key high school.

they are obviously not the smartest, perhaps not the hardest, but they have outstanding qualities.

throughout their experiences, they all follow independence, planning, concentration, self-discipline and so on, which support them to break through themselves and win infinite possibilities in the future.

excellent qualities and habits are not born, it is caused by the family, and its roots are in the parents.

as the upbringing of their children, parents should deliberately establish a code of conduct for their children during their upbringing.

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for example, you can say "no" to your child and teach your child to understand and abide by the rules;

for example, guide your child to share and bear, and let him know how to be grateful and responsible;

for example, accept the child's frustration, patiently guide, sharpen the child's resilience.

before the age of six, it really doesn't matter how many words children can read, how many questions they can do, and how many poems they recite. These weak advantages will soon disappear.

only qualities and habits have the power to run through time, which affects the child's behavior over the years and determines the final success or failure.

03

before the age of 12, value affects children'sPositioning

there was a joke on the Internet: children's test scores determine the degree of family harmony.

as an old mother, I feel the same way. Children's learning performance is like a hanging weapon, which is irritated from time to time and makes people's liver ache.

can be expected. There is a fact that we will eventually have to face:

Children have different natures and abilities. Some children are born with the attribute of "high achiever", while others have scenery elsewhere.

so, even with the same effort, sometimes you can't get the same performance.

Professor Li Meijin once suggested that parents should identify their children's personality and help their children discover their own abilities. This sense of value will form their children's self-orientation.

it is a pity that many parents do not see the bright spot of their children, passing on their anxiety to their children, making them unable to breathe under pressure.

after watching a program, the little girl likes to write novels. with this passion, she has written 56 books since primary school, totaling more than 300,000 words.

thanks to writing novels, girls do well in liberal arts, but science is relatively weak.

in order to spur his daughter to go hand in hand, the father angrily tore up the novel, insisting that the novel is the chief culprit for delaying his daughter's math performance.

the most heart-stirring thing is that the father said to his choking daughter, "others can do it, so can you, and dad believes you!"

there are many parents who adhere to this idea and make it difficult for their children to deal with themselves in the course of comparison and competition.

the most terrible thing is that in the continuous negation, the child will put this "no" idea deep into the heart, forming the original inferiority complex.

actually, there is no need to force a child to enter a track that does not belong to him.

affirm the child's strengths and give more positive attention, so that the child will feel the value and usher in his own backlight moment.

We all know that the amount of water stored in a bucket depends on the deficiency of the bucket.

so we always want to spend more effort to make up for our shortcomings and shortcomings, even if all we get is a moderate template.

however, if we tilt the barrel, how much water it can hold will be determined by the length of its long board. This is the new barrel theory.

instead of staring at the child's shortcomings and sticking to the short board, it is better to encourage the child to carry forward his strengths and find dreams and interests.

any time, such a child must be lucky to be able to do what he likes.

looking at the little person who used to be a toddler, we suddenly become a child with thorns and a lot of problems, and our hearts will undoubtedly feel hurt.

but put aside all the skills and means, we will find that every behavior of the child comes from the projection of parental upbringing.

what cause is planted and what fruit is reaped.

the initial companionship and response of life is the starting point of all education; the guidance and correction of childhood is the foundation of behavior habits; and the affirmation and support of adolescence is the embryonic form of the value of life.

parenting is difficult and painstaking.

but only in this way can children have indestructible power in the face of wind, rain and temptation.