Hate a person, there is no need to fall out

/June 2022

in our lifetime, we will inevitably run into all kinds of people.

it is rare luck to meet someone you like;

it is normal to meet someone you hate.

however, for various reasons, we often can't avoid annoying people and have to learn to get along with them.

I have read a law of interpersonal relationship:

No matter which circle you walk into, the probability of meeting annoying people is basically the same.

even if you block this, there is bound to be a new one.

so running away from people you hate is never the best solution.

instead of being hated by people who affect their mood and life, learn to actively adapt to the environment and live with them at ease.


she and her colleagues are fellow-townsmen and of similar age, and they thought they would hit it off.

unexpectedly, after spending some time together, Xiao ran found that they could not talk to each other at all.

when having dinner together, she complained that the project she was in charge of recently was up to schedule and had to work overtime every day, but the other person said, "just for a little overtime pay, do you make yourself so tired?"

Xiao ran excitedly talked about his favorite stars and TV dramas, but the other person complained about the appearance of the stars and made fun of him: "how can you watch such a crappy show for him?"

the worst time was when Xiao ran said that he didn't want to fall in love, get married and enjoy living alone. The other person opened his mouth and said, "when you can't get married and become an unwanted old woman, you'll know you'll regret it."

Xiaoran tried to refute it several times, but the other party insisted on his own opinion and responded without showing weakness, which made her angry and annoyed.

finally, instead of tit-for-tat, she deliberately alienated her, and her contacts gradually decreased, which made her feel much more relaxed.

the most annoying thing in life is talking to people of different frequencies.

different life experiences, different knowledge reserves, different ways of thinking and levels, even if you spend a lot of breath, you can't make it clear to each other.

as Zhuangzi said in Qiushui:

the well frog can not speak to the sea, and the summer worm can not speak to the ice.

when you meet such a person, you don't have to argue, you don't have to turn your face, and you can keep your distance silently in order to be safe.

because the three values and levels are inconsistent, no matter how many arguments can not get the correct answer, it will only be a waste of time.

Haruki Murakami said, "not all fish live in the same sea."

there are some people who are not destined to go the same way with you, and there is no need to spend time and energy entangling.

Life comes and goes, meet people with different ideas, try to reduce contact;

meet people with different values, learn to turn a blind eye to them.

you don't have to force yourself to win or lose, just keep your distance calmly and be yourself calmly.


personality differences should be put aside.

there is a halo effect in psychology:

that is to say, our cognition and judgment of people are often based on the part. Spread to get the overall impression, it is easy to appear the error of partial generalization.

especially in the face of annoying people, we are always used to denying each other completely, ignoring each other's advantages, and our cognition becomes narrower and narrower.

on the contrary, people who really have a pattern will find each other's strengths and ignore each other's weaknesses, and their perspective will become wider and wider.

Ma Weidu, a cultural scholar, once said, "you can only be able to work with people you hate."

when he was young, he had a friend with the highest annual salary in the circle.

A friend works in a bank, and the chairman asks him if he can work with a colleague.

this colleague has an eccentric personality and is the least popular person in the company. Many people would rather resign than work with him.

however, my friend thought that his hated colleague could stay in the company all the time, and there must be something special, so he immediately agreed to it.

he put aside his personal likes and dislikes and devoted himself to helping his colleagues so that the work could be carried out normally.

in the end, he won the favor of the chairman of the board and got a smooth promotion and raise.

psychologist Zeng Qifeng once said:

Life is long, it is inevitable to deal with annoying people, instead of tit-for-tat with annoying people, it is better to learn to get along with them and achieve win-win results.

there is a marketing director in our company who is arrogant and headstrong. Many people resign because of him, and only Xiao Chen is willing to follow him.

in fact, Xiao Chen hates him as much as everyone else at first and often complains behind his back.

later, he gradually found that the supervisor's ability to work is really strong, without procrastination, even the most difficult clients can be handled by him.

moreover, Xiao Chen found that as long as he praised him more and obeyed him more, he was willing to give it to him with all his money.

so Xiao Chen put aside his prejudice, modestly learned from him, improved his mode of thinking and working method, and was promoted to deputy supervisor half a year later.

A truly mature person will see the merits beyond the shortcomings of others, and find common ground beyond their differences.

contending with each other's shortcomings will only lead to mutual loss, but only by reconciling with each other's strengths can we be of mutual benefit.

since you can't change the behavior of others, you might as well change your prejudices and make it more comfortable to get along.


Bad people and bad things, learn to let go

writer Feng Tang said:

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only by spending our limited time on worthwhile people and things, and letting go of other people's mistakes and past events, can we free ourselves from our hearts.

Su Shi, the great writer, and Zhang Dun, a good friend, parted ways because of the court dispute and became each other's old enemies.

under the repeated persecution of Zhang Dun, Su Shi was demoted all the way to the plague-infested southern region.

calculated by his former friends, Su Shi also had grievances and grievances, but he was open-minded and comfortable, building huts, planting fruit trees, tasting delicious food, and enjoying himself happily.

Zhang Dun became angry when he learned of this. Under an order, Su Shi was demoted to Hainan, where the environment was extremely bad. He was so ill that he was on the brink of death.

later, the situation reversed, Zhang Dun was dismissed, and Su Shi returned to Beijing with immunity.

Zhang Dun's son was afraid that Su Shi would retaliate against the Zhang family and wrote to plead for mercy all night.

but Su Shi wrote such a sentence in his reply:

means that let it go, and there is no need to mention the past.

when he learned that Zhang Dun was ill, Su Shi sent a health prescription with the letter, hoping that he would take care of his health and recover as soon as possible.

in the face of all the injuries brought to him by Zhangton, Su Shi did not choose to forgive, but decided not to care about it any more.

in fact, to let others go is to let yourself go.

because a person's happiness lies not in having more, but in caring less.

Japanese writer Junichi Watanabe said in "insensitive Force"

Don't be too sensitive to daily life.

and what kind of people have general knowledge, that's what you are.

people who resent deceiving you and failing you over and over again will only make the wound deeper and deeper.

to take bad people and things to heart and struggle with them is actually consuming themselves.

in the face of annoying people, you can ignore them;

in the face of bad things, you can not forgive, but learn to let go and let your life back in the sun.


busy hating others, it's better to be strong

once read this sentence:

some people, no matter how hard you try, can't be friends, you don't have to please them, and you don't have to gnash your teeth to hate them.

the three values are different, you don't have to be strong, you just need to keep your distance;

you don't have to escape, try to seek win-win results;

Don't pester, don't pester, learn to let go of yourself.

instead of indulging in worry and pain, spend your time hating others on focusing on the present and improving yourself.

only when you become better and stronger can you leave the annoying person behind and let the annoying thing turn the page easily.

encourage each other.