Good children are controlled, bear children are accustomed to come out

/October 2022

the child is born with a blank sheet of paper, and the parent is the original writer. What color the child will dye depends on what color the parent paints the child.

there are neither born bad children nor born good children, the key lies in the parents' educational attitude and way of education.

many examples in real life tell us that there are educated parents standing behind educated children and unqualified parents behind bear children.


A spoiled child is an indefinite time bomb

Professor Qian Wenzhong of Fudan University once said: "Children are not adults and must be disciplined. We have to tell our children that mistakes come at a price. To give in blindly in the name of love is the greatest irresponsibility to him. Today he can't fight, he can't scold, he can't even look at him. Tomorrow he may be able to make a fuss. "

A girl posted that a bear child came to her home and shoved her sister-in-law, who was more than four months pregnant, from behind while the adults were chatting.

fortunately, the girl responded in time and got down on her knees to hold the pregnant woman, which did not lead to serious consequences.

ask the bear child afterwards: "Why push pregnant women?"

the bear child said nonchalantly, "I just want to see if the pregnant woman will have a miscarriage."

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parents are used to it, which is the root cause of many bear children's bad behavior.

Today the child made a small mistake. Parents say that he is just a child. Tomorrow the child will dare to commit a crime. In the future, the child will dare to commit a crime. Do you still say that he is just a child?

We always think that children are still young, so we underestimate the evil of some children. in fact, it is precisely because children are still young, the more malicious and cruel they are.

We think they are the flowers of the motherland, but in fact, they may also be terrible "cannibal flowers"!

the writer Jiuyueyue once wrote: "A child without a sense of right and wrong is the scariest creature on earth." They have curiosity, action power, destructive power and specialize in drilling loopholes in the law. "

and every connivance of parents is tantamount to building a wall of prison for him and speeding up his bleak life ahead of time.


behind educated children, responsible parents

upbringing is the comprehensive embodiment of family education, which determines the journey of a child's life and a child's upbringing. It is the concentrated embodiment of the success of parents' family education.

upbringing is not inborn, but is taught in the details of life. A well-educated child often has responsible parents behind him.

Ms. Wang, a mother in Nanjing, was praised by the police because of her way of educating her children.

Ms. Wang's son accidentally broke someone else's car window while playing. When Ms. Wang learned of this, she wanted to contact the car owner for compensation.

because she could not contact the owner, Ms. Wang turned to the police for help to find the owner. With the help of the police, Ms. Wang contacted the owner for corresponding compensation.

Ms. Wang is very calm about her son's accidental trouble. "if you do something wrong, you must bear the consequences," she said. "as a guardian, now the child can't afford it, so I'll bear it with him."

she said she hoped that this would enable children to learn to take responsibility when they grow up, instead of running away when they made mistakes, and the police who came to help could not help but praise the mother's actions.

the future of children is closely related to their parents' education. for low-quality parents, it is difficult to raise high-quality children.

Today, parents protect their children who make mistakes, and children in the future will have to pay for it. Today, parents teach their children to dare to take responsibility, and children will become responsible people in the future.

parents are sensible and far-sighted, and their children will not be too bad!


regardless of scolding or punishment, it is impossible to cultivate excellent children

A mother in Zhihu once asked: what kind of education can produce excellent children?

one of them replied: "it's time to fight and scold."

these six words, at first glance, are simple and rude. When you think about it, you think deeply.

the remarks made by Li Meijin, a professor at Public Security University, in the "round table school" can explain this point of view.

she said: "in the process of growing up, to form something, in addition to love, but also in awe." If the child breaks the law, punishment is actually a kind of protection, let him know fear, know regret, never dare again, really make him dare not to protect him. "

the difference between good children and bear children lies in their parents' attitude. good children are often brought up by strict discipline.

but there are ways to discipline children. Here are the "three noes" and "four essentials" of strict discipline.

one, "three noes":

1. Don't meet all your children's needs unconditionally

French educator Rousseau has a wise saying: "do you know what can be done to make your child an unfortunate person?" That is to be obedient to him. "

you can love your child unconditionally, but you must not unconditionally meet all your child's needs. Love is the invincible armor for a child to grow up, but doting is not.

unconditional love and conditional principles are the best education for parents to give their children.

2. Don't turn education into venting

the purpose of education should be to make children a better person, and the purpose of punishment and criticism is to make children realize their mistakes correctly and then correct them in time.

True love is never the kind of hurt in the name of love.

when you want to punish your child, ask your heart: "do I really do it for the child, to love the child, not to vent?"Do I have my own emotions, or do I feel miserable and out of control over my shortcomings? "

A good education should be two percent "barbaric" and eight percent warm.

3. Don't turn discipline into a crackdown on children

there is a hot topic on Zhihu: how to face parents' percussive education?

there is a highly praised answer that has won the approval of many netizens: "there is no percussive education, but the purpose of the crackdown may include education, but it more reflects the negation of children."

We often think that our love for our children is 100%, and all the giving and correction are for the good of the children, but very often, we are using the authority of parents to suppress the children.

when we discipline our children, we make them afraid and stop their actions, rather than using "for your own good" to hurt their children again and again, using the so-called discipline as an excuse for excessive control.

True love does not require, does not cast any shadow of fear, does not hide any attempt to control, but only gives the child warmth and strength.

II, "four wants":

1. Make rules as soon as possible

writer Liu Yong once said a profound sentence: "if you are not willing to set rules for your children, someone will teach them a lesson."

when children are young, if they do not set rules, they will easily lack awe when they go to society in the future. if the family has no rules, the children will have no principles.

Family Education once said: "Freedom with rules is called liveliness, and freedom without rules is presumptuous."

the sense of rules is not only a fence to protect children, but also the door for children to the future world. Only by setting rules for children as soon as possible can children understand self-discipline.

2. Have principles for children

for children, parents must have principles and cannot always compromise with their children. It is impossible for a family that always compromises with its children to have rules.

Children are the most open-minded. You can't stick to principles. Of course, children will think that the "no" put forward by parents can not be taken seriously.

parents may say "just this once" when they compromise, but children are most likely to gain an inch, and once there is a second time, once the parents are soft on their children, the rules are in vain.

if you make a rule, you must follow it, and once you tell your child "no", you must stick to it.

3. Parents should lead by example

Real education is not harsh criticism, not coercion, but one tree shaking another tree, one cloud pushing another cloud, one soul awakening another soul.

Education is never something to be told. Children are imperceptibly influenced by their parents' words and deeds.

the good example set by parents will make children reflect on their words and deeds at any time and keep getting closer to their parents, which is driven by an inner force, which can make children feel more empathetic than by being reasonable and supervising all the time.

this is the power of the nurturing role model.

4. To take love as the premise

the purpose of discipline should be for love, and the starting point of discipline should also be love.

Love is not only the premise of education, but also the greatest force to change the child. Only those who love the child can discipline him.

the growth of a child is always one problem after another. The premise of educating the child and solving the problem is that he can always get the sense of security of "you love him".

if there are no rules, there will be disaster without awe.

the same is true of our children's education. to let them know that they are in awe and obey the rules, only in this way can children really grow up.

good parents tend to be lenient and strict.