Don't judge a person by "details"

/August 2022

A few days ago, I heard a couple at the next table talking about a couple:

"this boy does not laugh, his heart must be dark, nine times out of ten, the original family is not happy, but it is a pity that this girl."

it sounds like I've known this person for a long time.

I don't know since when, people like to judge a person by details:

look at her tattoo, you know she is not a good person;

look at his profile picture, you know he is a scumbag;

you see that she changes a designer bag every day, and she must be kept. Sometimes it even rises to the height of character.

but getting to know someone is not as easy as you think.

it's like to Kill a Mockingbird:

this really tells us not to judge a person easily by one or two details.


some time ago, Wang Bingbing was suddenly pushed to the forefront of the storm because of a photo.

in the photo, Wang Bingbing and a male photographer are very close.

when netizens saw the photo, they began to suspect and guess:

"Wang Bingbing is too casual!" It turns out that her innocence is a fake. "

"I have long thought that she has been praised too high and pure, and I don't know what she is like behind her back."

"sure enough, there are countless men behind good-looking women."

but what is the truth?

some netizens posted the full version of this photo.

in fact, it is a perfectly normal shooting job, surrounded by a lot of staff.


tell one more story.

when I came home for the Spring Festival this year, I went to see my twin nephews.

I went to wash my cousin's dishes on the way.

when I returned to the living room, I saw them rummaging through something in my bag.

I thought to myself, these two children are really getting more and more rude.

so he crept up, caught them red-handed, smiled and asked, "what are you two doing?"

they immediately covered my bag and said, "No, you can't read it."

this made me more curious, so I coaxed the bag out of their hands and saw that there was an extra bag of rainbow candy in it.

when the two children saw that I found out, they began to argue:

"it's your fault that you're too slow. You've been found out."

"because of you, I told you to keep an eye on your aunt. You didn't even notice when she came."

I was ashamed at that moment.

Rainbow candy is their favorite snack. They secretly give it to me, but they just want to surprise me.

but I misunderstood the child's innocence and kindness.


Why tell the above two stories?

actually I want to tell you that most of the time, the details will blind us.

Don't rush to judge a person until you have a comprehensive understanding.

this will not only make you misunderstand the truth of the matter, but also likely to misunderstand a person's kindness.

self-media author @ Wu Xiaowu once told a story.

A colleague's wife is seriously ill, and the unit leader calls on everyone to donate money.

some donated 500, some donated 2000.

A colleague named Sun Zhi donated 1500 yuan, neither less nor more.

but some people secretly say that Sun Zhi is not good enough.

because Sun Zhi's family is better off, he is generous with tens of thousands of donations every time he donates money for disaster relief.

this time it's my colleague's turn to need help, but his colleague who is still close to him has become so stingy.

this misunderstanding was not solved until six months later.

Sun Zhi publicly donated 1500 yuan in order to take care of the face of other colleagues. He didn't want to put pressure on everyone, nor did he want everyone to keep up with the comparisons.

and Sun Zhi gave that colleague 50,000 in private.

details are not all. What you see may not be true.

this reminds me of a famous "iceberg theory" in psychology:

Human personality is like an iceberg on the sea, revealing only part of it.

the "truth" you see is often just the tip of the iceberg.

the young people you see tattoos on the road, maybe they just express themselves more bravely than other young people.

you see an aunt bargaining for a few yuan in the vegetable market. Maybe she wants to save more money for her children.

you see a girl carrying a designer bag on the street, which may be her reward for a year of hard work.

if you see the leopard in the tube, you can't see the whole picture of the leopard; if a blind man touches an elephant, he can't find out the original shape of the elephant.

when we do not fully understand the truth, we must not casually evaluate a person's conduct, let alone regard the details as facts.

the details do not necessarily show the character, but you can certainly see the hearts of the people over time.


there is a plot in the movie Jin Zhiying born in 1982, which is very moved.

Jin Zhiying took the child to buy coffee, and the child accidentally spilled the coffee.

Kim Ji-young immediately put the child in the stroller and began to clean the floor.

there are three young people next to them, not only not helping, but also commenting:

"what a mother bug."

Jin Zhiying is stung by the word "mom bug", because "mom bug" is used to belittle stay-at-home mothers who have no income and rely on their husbands to take care of their children at home.

she stood up, walked up to the young man and retorted,

"do you know me? IWhy is the mother the worm?

you come to this coffee shop to order coffee and meet me for only ten minutes. Feel free to choose others as much as you know about me.

do you know what kind of things I have experienced, what kind of people I have met, and what I have in mind?

Why bother to hurt others? "

that's true.

none of those onlookers knew that Ji-young gave up her proud career because she was pregnant.

this was originally a sacrifice, but the evaluation was "mother bug".

Don't judge what others say without suffering.

in this world, everyone is snowing.

as Leo Tolstoy said:

this reminds me of a heart-wrenching story on Weibo a few years ago.

A cruise ship was shipwrecked, but there was only one seat left in the lifeboat. At the last moment, the man pushed his wife away and jumped into the lifeboat.

Do you want to buy the stylish little girl prom dresses and accentuate your slender and beauty? Large varieties of shapes and cuts for you to choose from.

at last the man was saved.

anyone who sees this man's behavior will feel heartless.

however, many years later, the man died of illness, and when the daughter was tidying up her belongings, she found her father's diary:

it turned out that the wife was terminally ill at that time.

the world has never been black and white.

right and wrong in life are often complicated and difficult to distinguish.

gossip, don't talk about others, sit still and often think about your own mistakes.

people who are really cultured will not judge others with "details" at will.

in this self-cultivation, there is tenderness and respect for others.

the winner of the Lu Xun Literature Prize caused controversy, and a reporter called Jiang Fangzhou to ask her opinion.

Jiang Fangzhou said, "I haven't read the winners' poems."

so the reporter immediately read her a song and asked her for her opinion.

Jiang Fanzhou said helplessly, "with only one poem, I don't know what to think."

those who are really mature can do it: they don't know the whole picture and don't comment.

moreover, the ancients used to say, "it takes three days to burn the jade, but it takes seven years to identify the materials."

it takes seven years to know things, especially people.

details deceive, but time deceives no one.

if you want to know someone, take more time to know his heart.

the rest of my life is very long. In this age when what we see may not be true, may we all think rationally and treat others gently.