Changing oneself is a god, changing others is a psychopath.

/October 2022

I have seen a pair of couplets, and it is very interesting:

Upper couplet: post-90s don't stay up late

Lower couplet: post-90s let post-90s wear masks

horizontal criticism: no one listens to

while humorous, I also feel a little heartbreaking.

in fact, it's not just parents, but also partners and friends. It's so hard to change a person and get them to deal with problems the way we think is right.

as the popular saying goes, "changing yourself is a god, changing others is a psychopath."

in our lives, everyone tries to change others, only to realize that

the only thing we can change in this world is ourselves.

there is only yourself and no one else.


forcibly changing others will only make an effort to please

A few days ago, my sister called me to complain about her mother-in-law, saying that her mother-in-law was too lenient, making her miserable now.

the cause of the matter is this:

my sister belongs to the kind of fat-prone physique, so her weight has been hovering around 150 jin.

after pregnancy, my sister's weight rose rapidly, reaching 200 jin at one time.

after giving birth to the baby last year, her weight hasn't changed much, and she's still fat.

this aroused her mother-in-law's dissatisfaction.

my sister's mother-in-law always thinks that my sister has been inactive for a long time, coupled with her love of junk food.

so, she always reminds my sister from time to time:

"exercise more and don't eat spicy gluten or potato chips. It's bad for your health."

my sister just promised casually and didn't take it to heart, just like before.

her mother-in-law saw that the reminder was useless, so she came up with a new trick.

she asks my sister to get up at 6 o'clock every day and accompany her to the park so that she can supervise my sister's running.

after all, my mother-in-law is also a mother, not to mention that my sister is not very good at rejecting others.

so, before 6 o'clock every day, she was called up by her mother-in-law and took her to the park for exercise.

it's okay if you don't run, there's been an accident.

because the baby often cries, my sister wakes up several times every night. In addition, she gets up early every day and is seriously short of sleep. In the process of running, she suddenly faints and breaks a big tooth.

after knowing this, my brother-in-law had a quarrel with his mother, which drove his mother away.

my sister's mother-in-law packed her bags crying, saying that she had raised a white-eyed wolf and that she would never set foot in the house again.

after listening to this, I suggested that my sister should be soft and apologize to her mother-in-law, especially for her mother-in-law.

I understand that she has good intentions and wants to keep my sister healthy, but she made a mistake:

extend her hand too long in other people's lives.

Mark Levy wrote in the Shadow Theft: "you can't interfere in other people's lives, even for their own good, this is his life."

in this world, everyone has their own way of life, their own habits and temperament, which does not mean that change can be changed.

most of the time, we are wasting time, even thankless, trying to change others to become what we want them to be.

Why bother?

you know, there are a lot of things in life that cannot be forced, and you can never wake up a person who pretends to sleep.

just like, forcing others to live their lives according to their own ideas is not a kind of kindness, but a disaster.


you can never change anyone

there is a question on the Internet:

"what advice do you have for girls before and after marriage?"

one of the answers is this:

be sure to find someone you can accept now, and find someone you are particularly happy with right now.

anyone who wants to change each other and has the idea of "not happy but maybe having a baby" will not be a happy marriage.

I think so.

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because it's so hard to change a person.

if you think about it, how can you expect him to suddenly wake up and change the problem that he didn't change before he got married?

in a marriage program, I saw such a story:

there is a couple who have been married for five years and are getting divorced recently.

the woman said that she felt that she could not get along with her husband.

the host asked her why, she said her husband only knows how to play games every day, does not do housework, and does not look after the children.

I don't pursue much in my career. I just take a little dead salary and pay off the mortgage, and the rest is just enough for the basic expenses.

persuade him to take a certificate or find a part-time job to earn some extra money, and he is anxious with me.

because of this, we often quarrel and even move our hands.

the host asked, didn't you find these before you got married?

she said:

"I found him very playful, but at that time I thought his family was in good condition. When he got married and had children, he would slowly change and become mature and responsible."

it turned out that she was wrong.

Don't expect a big change in what Ta looks like before or after marriage, whether it's a man or a woman.

so, I still want to say that we don't want to change others, unless he wants to change himself, no one can change him.

in our daily life, we can always hear such complaints:

I am also for his own good, why not listen?

Why, he just doesn't want to change?

what on earth does he have to do before he can change?

Don't worry, it's hard to get a person to change.

I have heard a saying: "the hardest thing in the world is to put your own thoughts into other people's heads."

changing others is the stupidest thing to do.

because you can never change anyone, not even the one closest to you.


instead of changing others, try to change yourself

like the sentence: "it is not others but yourself who listens to you most easily in the world."

when we can't change others, we might as well focus on ourselves and try to change ourselves.

there is an inspirational short film, which is very enlightening after watching it.

there is a girl who is often ridiculed and bullied by her classmates because she is very fat.

the girl was so sad that she went to a mother-in-law's house to cry.

her mother-in-law told her, "there is a dry well on the back hill of the village. there is a legend that if someone can fill the dry well with water, there will be gods to realize what Ta wants to achieve most."

after that, the girl would carry water into the dry well every day, even if it was windy and rainy.

finally came the day when the dry well was filled, but she didn't find anyone who could help her realize her wish.

the girl bowed her head in disappointment and accidentally saw her reflection in the water, thin and slender, not what she used to be.

at the end of the short film, there is a line: only you can change yourself.

as the saying goes, "if the mountain does not come, I will go there."

since we can't change the opinions of others, we might as well take the time to change ourselves.

through your own changes, you can slowly influence others, influence their attitudes, and influence their behavior.

I believe that many people have the idea of going to the end of the world with the sword and conquering the world.

but later, with the increase of age and experience, we found that we can't conquer the world, nor can we change others. The only thing we can do is to change ourselves.

Yes, the only thing we can change is ourselves.

some people say: "it is painful to change others, and changing yourself is the beginning of happiness."

because it is difficult to change others, but it is much easier to change yourself.

therefore, instead of trying to change others and pin their hopes on others, try to change yourself and live a healthy life.

when you change yourself, you will find that others have changed and the whole world has changed.


in this world, there are colorful flowers and colorful people.

one flower, one world, each has its own highlights.

you may not like flowers of a certain color, or you may not like certain types of people, but you can't change them.

since you can't change, you might as well try to accept other people's differences and understand their limitations.

because the smartest thing to do in life is to change what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed.

only in this way can we become much happier.