"be a man, don't please anyone."

/November 2022

in life, everyone wants to be recognized and loved.

so give in, try your best to please others, and put others first.

it doesn't matter if you're not happy about it.

No one knows that the feelings won't last long.

between people, if they don't love each other, all efforts will be in vain.

therefore, it is more important to learn to please yourself than to please others.

as Bi Shumin said, "our lives do not exist because we are liked by others."

to be a man, you must not go as low as dust.


the painstaking relationship is not cherished

wandering around the Zhihu forum, I came across such a passage in a comment:

"Today, when I plucked up the courage to look through his chat records, I found that I was really too humble. I poured my heart out to him, Wechat seconds back, always take the initiative, passionate love, in exchange for his indifference to wait. "

it is extremely heartbreaking in an instant.

but if you think about it, isn't that what people do?

what you can't get is always stirring, and those who are spoiled have nothing to fear.

those who work hard to please are disappointed; those who give voluntarily end up in vain.

in real life, there are too many "you and I have no chance, rely on me to support" relationship.

but such a relationship will not be cherished because it is too "easy" to get.

just like Matsuko, the protagonist in the Japanese movie the Life of the abandoned Pine Nut, spends his whole life looking for the love and recognition of others.

whether in family, work or love, she is always wronging herself and pandering to others:

longing for fatherly love, Matsuko tries every means to make all kinds of "ghost faces". Just to get a smile from his father;

in order to please others, she didn't hesitate to take the blame for stealing money and lied, resulting in his being expelled.

facing her violent boyfriend, she comforted herself again and again: "this is good. Even if you are beaten, it is better than being alone."

Pine nuts, which are almost masochistic, failed to be cherished by anyone, but were driven away by their families and abandoned by their lovers, and finally died in loneliness.

"I am sorry that I was born a human being."

this is what Matsuko said to himself before he died, but I really want to tell her:

born as a human being, you must first learn to love yourself!

if you put yourself in a humble position just for the sake of a little love and praise from others, you will never get equality and respect.

even if you get it, it's not love, it's just charity.

so you don't have to please anyone.

remember, true feelings are never laborious.

whatever you need to maintain carefully, it must not be the right person.


others don't pay attention to you

Why should you take it to heart

there are always people who say, "work harder and you'll get it."

but the reason why life is helpless is that many things end up in vain.

like human feelings, it is not like learning, as long as you work hard, you can achieve results;

is not like work, as long as you work hard, you can get something back.

in this world, some people and feelings really can't force it.

even if you dig your heart out, you will not be able to achieve perfection after all.

on the contrary, the tighter you grasp, the faster you lose, and the higher your expectations, the more disappointments you will be.

in the TV series "parents' Love", Jiang Dehua has been with Lao Ding, working hard without complaining.

after Lao Ding's first wife died in childbirth, Dehua helped Lao Ding take care of several children, washing clothes and cooking for them.

even though she knows that Lao Ding hates her lack of education, she still loves everyone in the Ding family regardless of return.

but this kind of pay has never been able to get Lao Ding to treat each other squarely.

later, I fell in love with Mr. GE in front of her.

even in order to please his current girlfriend, Lao Ding ruthlessly changed the door lock at home in order to prevent Dehua from appearing in his home again.

seeing this, I can't help feeling worthless for Dehua, but it also makes me understand a truth:

feelings are between two people. If he doesn't love you, he won't care if you give everything, because he won't take you seriously at all.

No matter how active you are, you can't change your heart; you care a lot and you don't get respect.

that being the case, why should you take it to heart in the face of people who don't see you in your eyes?

you know, you can't please the whole world, and the people who really appreciate you don't love you because you pretend to be likeable.

feelings can coexist for a long time only if they are evenly matched and cherish each other.

someone once said: "people want to maintain a long-term and comfortable relationship by generality and attraction, rather than oppression, binding, flattery, blindly giving and moral self-touching."

so stop worrying about others and try your best to make yourself comfortable.


for the rest of my life, please learn to please yourself

have read this theory on the Internet: "We will meet 29.2 million people in our lives, but there is only a 0.000049 chance of meeting the right person for us."

at that time, I was deeply sad. Is it possible that in the vast sea of people, no one can keep their heads together and share their white heads?

until afterWhen my friend said something to me, it suddenly dawned on me.

he said, "meeting the right person is never a probabilistic event. What you have to do is to meet yourself first. "

what does it mean to meet yourself?

I think it is nothing more than "six percent drunk in wine and seven percent full in food". You must remember to love yourself before being kind to others.

to put it bluntly, learn to please yourself.

only when you start to please yourself will the good life come back and hug you.

like Zhang Youyi, who has had her ups and downs all her life, she married at 18, divorced at 26, and began to learn German at nearly 30.

is such a divorced 40-year-old woman with children who opened her first women's bank in Shanghai without any business background.

looking back on her life, Zhang Youyi summed it up like this:

Treat yourself to a luxurious purple wedding dress in our website. Shop here and you will thank your lucky stars you entered this catalogue.

"before I went to Germany, I was afraid of everything, afraid of not being loved by my husband, and afraid of divorce; after going to Germany, I was not afraid of anything. I understand that everything in life has to rely on myself, the pity of others, and can not win a bright future."

I think so.

in life, there is no one to rely on, blindly rely on others, will only lose dependence in the end.

only if you are strong enough, you will not be afraid of any wind and rain; only if you are independent enough, will you not have to look at the faces of others.

as the writer Su Cen said, "the best way to love someone is to manage yourself and give each other a high-quality lover."

instead of trying to be nice to someone, that person will love you desperately.

earthly feelings inevitably have a realistic side: you are valuable, and your efforts are valued. "

so spend less time with people who make you angry, less with people who piss you off, and less with people who are ungrateful.

when you start to get better, not to be disturbed by others, not to worry about things, life is naturally a breeze and blossoms.

at that time, you will know that feelings are cherished and loved ones are attracted.

there is a saying in Cai Gentan: "the flowers are half blooming and the wine is slightly drunk, which is very interesting."

the same should be true of life.

treat others, only enough is enough, the thickness is appropriate.

not humble, not flattered, not aggrieved, not reconciled, is the best life.

so don't lose yourself in any relationship.

live up to yourself in order to live up to your life.