A wise man pleases himself, and a fool pleases others.
In
Little Monk in one Zen, there was a conversation:
the young monk asked Master,
"Why do more and more people like to stay up late?"
Master said:
because everyone is doing what other people like during the day, and only at night can they be themselves.
after all, it is easy to please the world, but difficult to please yourself. "
We are used to seeking identity from others, but forget that life is our own, and pleasing ourselves is the beginning of lifelong romance.
01
you can love someone to the dust, but no one will love you in the dust.
I like the saying: "if you have too many worries, if you want to please the world, you will only forget who you are."
if you don't love yourself, who can you expect to love you?
author @ Xu slowly told a story about her cousin:
Xu's cousin is sensible, has a good memory and is ready to help others, but she lives a very humble life. Everything she does seems to be to please others.
when I have dinner with friends, I try to eat it when it is obviously a dish I don't like.
if friends don't understand when chatting, they secretly inquire about it first, and then actively participate in the topic.
when someone wants to borrow 2000 yuan, she borrows 3000 yuan directly, and then asks, "is there anything else I can do to help?"
her friends turned her into a tree hole and often poured bitter water on her, and she would have the patience to accept it all.
this is especially true with her boyfriend. No matter how busy and tired she is, she will take on all the housework.
every time she makes the other person's favorite food, as long as her boyfriend likes it, she likes it.
however, my cousin's pleasing in every way leads to neglect and forgetting.
as soon as she moved and changed her job, the friends she had taken care of stopped contacting her.
classmate reunion never called her, but she didn't have the courage to ask.
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watching her do the housework hard, her boyfriend never reached out to help.
she gradually lost herself in this increasingly unequal relationship.
most of the time, we always look down on ourselves and constantly want to be recognized by others by being kind to others.
but do not know that their own value, it is in this unconditional pay, become worthless.
you can love someone to the dust, but no one will love you in the dust.
A really good relationship is always equal.
instead of giving in in every way, learn to please yourself first.
as Zhang Xiaoxian once said:
"if you can't please the world, please yourself first. Don't wait for haggard to know to be good to yourself and please yourself. It's never too early or too late.
02
the greatest stupidity of people is blindly gregarious.
in Yu Hua's shouting in the drizzle, there is a rural child named Sun Guanglin.
when he was in high school, in order to fit into the circle of his classmates in the city, he constantly imitated what they did and wanted to please them.
even if he didn't approve of his classmates in the city, he still tried to endure his discomfort, flirting with female classmates, flirting with teachers, and even peeping at the 70-year-old grandmother to go to the bathroom.
until once, in order to show off his classmates in the city, he beat his body and face with willow branches in order to show off in front of the girls.
it was only in an instant that he realized that gregariousness at the expense of dignity was a joke.
so, in the extreme insult of his classmates, he turned and left and returned to loneliness again.
I thought gregarious is armor, but unexpectedly gregarious is bayonet, what blind gregarious brings is never protection.
the only person in the world who can make himself strong without getting hurt is himself.
in the 1980s, in the Central National Song and Dance Troupe, there was a girl who was "not very sociable".
everyone was rehearsing the most popular ballet at that time every day, but she had to practice her favorite folk dance alone.
for this reason, she also has to switch off the rehearsal time with her classmates. When others practice in the morning, she goes to practice in the evening.
when participating in the national competition, the leader chose all the more popular dances at that time, but she would rather spend her own money to sign up and take part in the competition with the dance she thought.
she practiced so hard that she even spent years of savings sewing her own costumes, selling her beloved watch to raise money to record music and sign up for competitions.
in the end, this "loner" girl unexpectedly won the first prize in the national dance competition that year.
later, he stepped onto the stage of the Spring Festival Gala and was well known by the audience and became a well-known dancer at home and abroad.
this person is Yang Liping.
there is a saying in "watching":
"some things can only be done by one person;
some barriers can only be done by one person;
there are roads that can only be done by one person."
there are many hurdles in one's life, and one has to spend it alone after all.
blindly change oneself, let oneself integrate into the unsuitable group, will only let oneself hurt.
the purpose of life is to live differently.
to listen to your heart and keep your body and mind independent is what life should look like.
03
fools please others, but wise men please themselves.
the story of the short film "Danny the Boy" takes place in a small town where no one has a head, but life can go on as usual.
Danny is the only leader in the town.
he is not proud of this, and even has been depressed because of his "difference".
then he fell in love with a girl at first sight, but the girl ran away because he was different from everyone else.
in order to win the girl's heart and not to be out of place with others, Danny resolutely went to the guillotine.
he became like everyone else, holding hands with his beloved girl in the sunset.
headless Danny finally pleases the world.